GINASFS
by kittiesrangels88
Summary: "Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns, I sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes." In which Kendall Knight is married to the music for better or for worse and also kind of in love with film major James Diamond. Dumb kames/cargan college AU.
1. Wide Eyed Browns (or are they hazel?)

**So I'm returning from the grave to write fanfiction for one of my oldest ships... huh.**

**Yeah I've been reading waaay too many college AU fics for this not to happen.**

**Also based off of a picture by palmwoodstexts on tumblr, in which Kendall says "the only thing I've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila" to which the rest of the guys reply "welcome to college". Also, thank you to tumblr user k3schmaslow for mentioning writing a kames fic.**

**Gonna try to name every chapter title after fall out boy lyrics or song titles. This will fail miserably, but it's worth a shot.**

**Here we go.**

* * *

To be honest, I've never really had close friends.

I wasn't unpopular, don't get me wrong. I was about as popular as any other guy on the local hockey team, and probably the most popular kid in glee club, but I'd never really developed close relationships with people before. Not really. I mean, I had my sister, but she was about it.

Leaving behind a nearly-relationship-less life wasn't hard for me. But being dropped into a life where I was living with three other guys was probably not the best way to introduce me to creating close relationships.

As soon as I stepped off of the elevator and into the hall, I was greeted with a shout of "HERE COMES ANOTHER ONE!"

Suddenly, a short Latino kid came running up and practically jumped on me. "Hi! I'm Carlos!" he shouted into my ear.

"U-uh, hi?" I stammered, trying to keep my balance.

"Aw, he's shy! GUYS, THIS ONE'S SHY!" he called behind him. I just kept trying to keep a straight face and not blush.

"You're Kendall Knight, right? The one from Minnesota?" Carlos asked, climbing off me.

"Uh, yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck.

"You're in dorm F09, with James." Carlos explained reading the room number off my key and then gesturing down the hall. "Me and my boyfriend Logan are right next door, so if you ever need me. James is a freshman, too."

"You're a sophomore?" I asked.

"Yeah, Logan and I both are." Carlos turned around to head back to his hiding spot behind his and his roommate's- boyfriend's door. "See you around, then?"

"Uh, yeah." I headed down the hall, looking at the doors and stopping in front of F09. I didn't know whether to knock or not, so I just kinda stood there (like a fucking idiot).

"You can just go on in." A voice said from behind me. I turned around to see a short, dark-haired guy standing behind me. "Sorry if Carlos was a little wild earlier. He's really a great guy once you get to know him. I'm Logan. Logan Mitchell." he extended his hand.

I took his hand and shook. "Kendall Knight."

"Nice to meet you. Like I said, you can just go on in, James isn't even in right now, he went downstairs to go make sure all his stuff got in."

I looked down at the boxes I was dragging behind me on a cart. How much stuff would you need to bring with you to make sure it all got delivered all right? I looked back up at Logan and nodded before heading in.

Inside the room there was a bunk bed, two identical desks, and two identical wardrobes. The room was dark due to blinds covering its windows, and the floor barren aside from my boxes that were sitting in the doorway. I took two more steps inside before looking back. Logan was gone, probably to restrain Carlos from attacking the next poor kid who showed up, and all I saw was the brightly lit hallway.

I switched on the lights and shut the door, hoping James had his key on him, whoever he was. I had already clipped mine onto my lanyard, since the lady at the check-in had given them to me before I had come up.

I began rummaging through my boxes and sorting them. I decided not to put anything of mine anywhere specific until James got back. It was his room, too, he had the right to argue over which bunk he got.

I sat in the floor going through my stuff until I heard the door open and someone clear their throat.

"You're my roommate, Kendall, right?" I heard him ask.

I turned to look at him and- _oh._

_Oh._

This could be a problem.

See, I'm not a flaming homosexual, but this guy was fucking _hot._

This guy was Disney prince hot.

"Um, yeah. You must be James." I said, standing up. I didn't want to be at dick-sucking height for too long around him, or else it might actually happen.

"Yeah." James nodded. "So where you from?"

"Minnesota." I said.

"Wow, that's pretty far off." James said. "Most of the people I've met so far have been relatively local. Any real reason you wanted to come to the luxurious Palm Woods Academy for the Performing Arts." he adopted a snobbish accent as he spoke the school's full name.

And then he grinned.

When James grinned, he didn't just grin. It was with all those pretty teeth. His mouth pulled back at a perfect angle. And then I realized.

"You have a Jay Gatsby smile." I said, blurting it out before smacking my hands over my mouth.

"I have a what?" James asked, dropping the smile and cocking his head to the side a little.

"A Gatsby smile. Like the novel by F. Scott Fitzgerald? It means that your smile seems "irresistibly prejudiced in your favor". Well, my favor, but you get what I mean."

"Oh, yeah, _The Great Gatsby. _I remember reading that in high school, maybe my junior year? Me and a couple friends dressed up in the 20's style and went to go see the Leonardo DiCaprio version that came out last year." James nodded understandingly.

"Sounds cool." I said, trying not to let anything else embarrassing come out of my mouth.

"Eh, if I'm being honest, I just went for Leo. I don't care how much older than me he is, that man is one fine piece of ass." James grinned.

Oh, so he's gay, too. Interesting.

Very interesting.

"So you're gay?" I asked. "Also, do you want top or bottom bunk?"

"Pansexual. Gender isn't important to me." he said, tossing one of his multitude of boxes up onto the bed. "And I'm so glad you added bunk to that sentence. And top bunk, if that's fine with you. And what about you?"

"That's fine. And a lot of 'and's. I'm just straight up gay." I shrugged, pulling my box of linens out of my significantly smaller pile of boxes.

"Cool. Let's try not to fall in love with me, yeah?" James teased.

"Oh- um, I won't." I stammered.

"Just kidding man. Don't be so nervous. I mean, I know I'm hot, but I'm just a normal guy, ya know?" He stuck his head down from the top bunk, putting us at about eye level. His eyes were a gorgeous hazel- no, brown- no, hazel? No, brown. Honey.

Honey was a good color for his eyes.

"By the way, some girls on the floor below us are throwing a huge party, and I was told I'm allowed to bring one guest as a date. Mind being mine?" he smirked.

"Wait, did you just ask me out?" I asked, confused.

"Sure, sweetheart. Now, it's a yes or no question."

"Uh, yes." I nodded furiously.

"Great." he winked. "Now, could you help me with these sheets? I am absolutely fucking useless when it comes to making beds."


	2. Where Did the Party Go?

**Thank you guys so much for the positive feedback! Sorry I didn't update sooner, I was out of town all last week over spring break and I'm literally a month away from finals so school is just a blur for me.**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Also, Mean Girls reference because as I am writing this it's the Mean Girls 10 year anniversary, although Mean Girls references are appropriate every day of the year.**

* * *

I had been to quite a few parties in my lifetime. Most of them small, considering I grew up in a small Minnesota town, but I had been to a few big ones.

But I had never to been to a party consisting of about 700 people, all crammed into a small hallway.

Let me explain to you how the dorms at the Palm Woods are arranged. There are eight rooms to a hall, with four rooms on each side of the hall. In between two of the rooms, there's a connected bathroom. (Like, the first room and the second room share a bathroom, and the third room and the fourth room share a bathroom, if that makes sense.) Said connected bathroom has one toilet, one shower, and two sinks on the same counter. There was also a common area at the end of the hallway, but it wasn't very big, consisting of only a TV, a couch, a coffee table, some fake plants, and a couple of uncomfortable looking arm chairs.

Now imagine about 700 drunk college students mingling in that kind of environment.

Yeah, there was no such thing as personal space.

I was attempting to stick close to James, not taking any drinks anyone offered me, and just trying not to get trampled in all the commotion for the first hour or so of the party. By the time he managed to get away from me, James had had two beers and I had been offered probably six or seven.

It took me two hours to find him, and when I did, he had his arm slung around a brunette girl who was laughing her ass off (and probably stoned).

"Oh, hey, Ken-doll!" James slurred, waving at me. "This is Camille, she's the one who's throwin' the part-ay!" he laughed, swinging his bottle of beer around.

Camille smiled at me and took another sip of tequila. She gestured to an unopened bottle of what she was drinking on the coffee table. I took one of the shot glasses off the table and fixed myself one. I had already spent the past three hours being a party pooper, might as well enjoy myself now that I had found a settled-down James.

"You were right, Jamie, he is cute!" a blonde girl from the other end of the couch called. "Too bad I don't swing that way, and I'm taken." she grinned.

"This is Jo, she and I went to the same high school." James explained, gesturing to Jo.

"You're sure you don't want any, babe?" Camille asked, leaning against Jo and swinging the bottle of tequila in her face.

"I'm not drinking tonight, Camille, I told you that earlier." Jo groaned, pushing Camille off her shoulder.

I sat down at the very edge of the couch, only to get body-slammed into Jo by some guys fighting over a football game on the TV.

"I didn't even think it was football season." I mumbled beneath the booming of a subwoofer somewhere in one of the dorm rooms. I poured myself another shot of tequila from the bottle.

"It's a pre-season game, I think." Jo said, glancing over to a long line stretching out of one of the dorms. "I'm pretty sure there's a couple having sex in that bathroom, the line hasn't moved for 30 minutes."

"I'm honestly about to take any empty beer bottle and piss in it if the line doesn't start moving soon." Camille groaned.

"Stop being gross, James's new friend is here." Jo nudged Camille's shoulder. "Sorry, she's not like this normally."

I nodded understandingly and glanced over at James. He was being awfully quiet as he sipped at his umpteenth beer. (I could almost feel the hangover for him.) He just kept staring me down, like I was a quarter pounder and he hadn't eaten in a week. Like he wanted to eat me alive.

Luckily, another familiar face swooped in to distract the highly intoxicated pretty boy for a bit.

"Great party, Camille." Logan said, raising his own beer. He was either a fucking champ at drinking, or he was only on his first or second beer, because he didn't sound tipsy or drunk at all.

"Thanks." Camille shouted a bit too loudly. She was now laying all over James and sprawled out across Jo's and mine's laps. She was dangling the near empty tequila bottle from her fingertips, the glass bottle swinging dangerously close to the floor, and playing with her hair with her free hand. "I still really need to piss."

"You can come use the bathroom off my room upstairs." Logan offered, extending a hand to Camille. Camille dropped the bottle and stumbled up, taking Logan's hand to steady herself.

"Be back in a minute." Logan said, leading Camille off.

"So, how do you all know each other?" I asked. I hadn't touched my newly poured tequila, and with Logan's absence, James was back to staring at me like I was a piece of meat again.

"James and I were in a lot of the same classes in high school. Camille and I have been dating since our sophomore year of high school, and that's how she and James know each other. Camille knows Logan because, once upon a time, she dated him, but then he went gay and she's bisexual, so they went their separate ways for a while. They talked on and off for a long time, and then just settled with being close friends. Logan's a grade ahead of us, so he met Carlos when he went off to college, and brought him home with him when he came home for summer break, and that's how we know him. Basically, you're the only new one. The Palm Woods rarely gets anyone outside of California." Jo slid over so I had more room on the couch. I abandoned the alcohol on the table, deciding the hangover wouldn't be worth it.

Jo and I sat around talking, James staring at me drunkenly, for 20 minutes until Logan came back, dragging Camille.

"Turns out some stoners took up residence in our bathroom." Logan told me, allowing Camille to plop into Jo's lap. "I had to chase them out. Luckily, they were smart enough to keep the smell and the smoke from building up too bad in there."

"Fantastic." I plopped my head in my hands. The party scene was not for me, I had decided. Although I was glad to have made friends with some people, even if, from what I could gather, they were all film or acting majors.

Camille's head was drooping onto Jo's shoulder, her eyes drifting shut.

"Man, you're wasted." Jo muttered, poking Camille in the side of the head. "You need to get to bed, like, now."

"Too bad your dorm seems to have attracted some of the sexually active band geeks." James said, finally speaking as he jerked his head towards one of the darkened dorm rooms.

"Aw, you've gotta be kidding me." Jo groaned. "I'm gonna have to wash my sheets _again." _

"I think we might have some room for you guys in our dorm." James offered. "That is, if Kendall doesn't mind sharing a bed for tonight." I tensed up. Sharing a bed with not only a guy I'd just met, but a guy who had been staring at me like he wanted to eat me alive all night _a__nd _was also drunk? I was beginning to think I wasn't cut out for Palm Woods life.

"I'm the hostess, I can't leeeave." Camille slurred. "Besides, iiit's oonly..." she looked at her phone. "Thiiis isn't my phone."

"It's mine, stupid." Jo said, plucking the phone from her hands. "It's one in the morning."

"It's already that late?" I asked, suddenly feeling tired.

"Yepp." Jo said. "And, you, my lovely alcoholic, are going to bed. I don't even think half the people here know who you are, much less that you're the one throwing the party."

Camille just groaned in resignation.

"Speaking of lovely alcoholics," Logan stood, "I need to go find Carlos."

"'Los was in line for the bathroom last time I checked." James said, resting his head on Jo's shoulder. "I think I need to go to bed, too. It's laaaate." James yawned.

"So, you okay with us borrowing one of your bunks?" Jo asked. I almost wanted to volunteer Logan and Carlos to rent out a bed, but I didn't:

A. Know them well enough to do that,

and

B. Was beginning to warm up to the idea of getting all snuggly with James.

"Sure." I said, standing.

"Mind getting her for me? I'm pretty sure she's passed out." Jo handed Camille to me, and I managed to get her into a decent princess carry.

The elevator ride up to the next floor was fun. Camille was heavier than she looked, James was sitting in the corner half awake, and I was realizing that Camille was a sleepy drunk, whereas James was somewhere in between a sexual predator drunk and sleepy drunk. He had a decent hold on the back of my jacket, but didn't seem to be doing anything else. In fact, It almost felt like he was rubbing the fabric between his fingers, the same way little kids do when they're sleepy.

I dumped Camille into my freshly made bed (after James's insistent wrestling with the room key for 30 minutes before Jo ripped it out of his hands and did it for him and Camille nearly breaking my arms) and slumped down against the side of the bed. James walked around me and pulled himself into the top bunk (without the assistance of the ladder- the dude's buff as hell) and I heard him getting snuggled up beneath the blankets. Jo sat down on the edge of the bottom bunk.

"Thank you." she said, kissing my temple and tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "For the record, James really likes you. Like, he doesn't know you that well, but I have _never, _in all my five years of knowing him, have I ever heard him gush about someone like he has you. Drunk or not."

I could only nod, too sleep to do much of anything else. Jo crawled into bed next to Camille, and I thought about joining James.

Instead, I went out into the hallway and fell asleep on the couch, listening to the sounds of everything going on downstairs, drunk and confused.


	3. Head Like a Steel Trap

**In which James learns that no means no and Carlos can't do a handstand.**

**Bless ya'll for the feedback, it means a lot.**

* * *

It was still dark out when a body a fair bit bigger than mine plopped down on top of me.

I struggled to push them off me, and was greeted by a "Stop it, Keeen."

"James, what the actual fuck." I groan, my head hurting. I could still hear the last draining bits of the party downstairs. It had to be at least nearly dawn.

"You never showed up, so I got worried." James muttered. I felt his mouth begin to tug at the neckline of my shirt.

"James, stop." I pushed at him. Sadly, James's upper body strength was a lot greater than mine.

"Kendall-"

"We barely know each other, and while you might be just fine with having random sex with strangers, I'm not. So get off me, please." I tried to keep calm, knowing that James was still highly intoxicated.

"Keendaaaall-" James tried again, this time nipping at the nape of my neck.

I answered by punching him (gently) in the chest.

"No means no, Diamond." I groaned, pushing him to the floor.

"You're a virgin, aren't you? That's why you don't want to do me. You want to have your first time with someone _special._" James spat, his words condescending and bitter. "Your cute new roommate for the next 9 months isn't _special _enough for you, is he?'

"James, shut up, you're drunk." I sat up, looking out the window. I could see a faint purple beginning to appear on the horizon.

"You're drunk." James shouted back, smirking as if he had come up with the most clever comeback in the history of comebacks.

I just rolled my eyes, jumping at the sound of opening elevator doors.

"Carlos, what the hell?" Logan asked, spinning around and looking at a definitely high Carlos.

"'M tryin' to do a handstand." Carlos explained, crouched on the floor of the elevator. "Help me do a handstand, babe."

"I told you not to smoke tonight." Logan said plaintively.

"Sorry, babe." Carlos said, assuming a downward dog position.

"Carlos, stop." Logan reached out to pull his boyfriend from the closing elevator doors.

"You feel like shit, too?" Logan asked.

"Hell yes." I groaned. "I just want to sleep for five hundred years, to be honest."

"You never answered me." James jabbed me in the side. "You're a virgin, yes or no?"

"No." I groaned, rubbing at my eyes.

"Who'd you lose it to?"

"Like you would know him!"

"It's no big deal Kendall, jeeze, I'm sure there's a hundred guys in Minnesota alone with the same name as him, just tell me."

"I don't have to tell you anything!"

"Kendall, I swear-"

"James, you're drunk and I don't want to deal with you right now. Go back to bed and when you think you can function like a normal human being, _then _we can talk about my sex life, not that it's any of your business in the first place!"

"I'm your roommate, I have a right to know these things!"

"No, you don't! The only type of people who have the right to know these things are close friends and maybe my mom or something! Not someone who's practically a stranger!"

"That's not what you said when you were totally willing to get all cozy with me last night before you chickened out!"

"Well, maybe it's because I've had a shitty time with relationships, and I'm not ready to be hit on by some dude I've known approximately 12 hours!"

James fell silent. His eyes went straight to the ground. I could tell I'd said something that struck something in him.

"Babe, watch me do a handstand-"

"Carlos shut up, you're high as balls."

While Logan and Carlos tittered back and forth in the background, James slowly went to rest his head on the couch, next to my thigh. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't know." he sounded on the verge of tears. "My head really hurts, Kendall."

"I know." I said softly. "Go back to bed."

James pulled himself off the floor and slumped back into our room. I turned around to see Carlos fall over on his back.

"Did I do it?"

"No, Carlos. You need to go to bed."

"You wanna borrow a bed in our room? We don't have bunks, and Carlos and I just share a bed." Logan offered.

"Thanks." I sighed, standing up.

"What even happened between you two?" Logan asked, guiding a dizzy Carlos through the door.

I sat down on the unused bed. "I don't know, man. First he hit on me, then he kept looking at me like he wanted to eat me alive, and then after I chicken out on getting some personal time with him, he comes in and starts demanding to know about my sex life."

"James is a shitty drunk, not a shitty person." Logan explained, pushing Carlos to bed and closing the door. "He probably won't remember a lot of what he's said to you in the past eight hours, but what he will remember, he'll probably apologize like crazy for."

"Logan, God bless you for being the voice of reason." I said tiredly, falling over onto the bed.

"I am the smart one." he smiled. "Here, you left this down at Camille's party." Logan handed me my phone. "I went ahead and put mine, James, and Carlos's number in there for reference, if that's alright. Also, I put your number in mine." He waved his own phone around before putting it on a box labeled "clothes".

"Sounds good." I pushed my face into the pillow and promptly passed out.

When I woke up, Carlos was snoring loudly on the other side of the room.

I checked my phone for the time, blinking in the dim lighting of the dorm room.

**1 New Text from Logan.**

I opened the message.

**Sorry i had to leave, i helped jo herd stragglers out of the building before security showed up. Breakfast sound good to u?**

I looked at the time. It was 2:55 in the afternoon.

**if by breakfast you mean extremely late lunch**

I sat my phone down and thought about what had gone down last night. I wasn't particularly interested in talking to James about it, and I wasn't even sure if he was awake yet.

My phone buzzed again.

**Whatever, lol. Change clothes and slap some deodorant on and meet me downstairs in 10.**

I texted back an agreement and headed over to my room. There were two guys sleeping in the hallway between James and mine's dorm and Carlos and Logan's dorm, so I took the way back through via the adjoining bathroom.

I slipped in quietly, and saw a lack of female presence in the room. James's snoring form was still laying in bed. I looked to my phone and back up at James.

**if u give me 15 i can probably get james and carlos up and we can all go together**

Logan texted back immediately, and I nearly snorted at his answer.

**Yes, dragging 2 severely hungover dudes out to mcdonalds in la traffic is going to go over so well. This is a brilliant plan. Nothing could possibly go wrong.**

I laughed and texted him back.

**so bad idea then?**

I waited literally two seconds for the buzz back.

**Hell no it'll be hilarious. Get their sorry asses out of bed.**

I grinned and stashed my phone in my back pocket. I made sure I didn't stink like booze and party and set about waking the dead.

"James?" I nudged the sleeping brunette with my elbow as I climbed the ladder. "Come on, get up, we're gonna go get food."

"Gimme 20 minutes." James groaned.

I left James to rouse himself from sleep and went to go deal with Carlos.

Carlos was much less... agreeable.

**carlos wont get up, what do? **I shot at Logan.

**Tell him we're going to mcdonalds. That's how i got him out of bed every day last year.**

"Hey, Carlitos. We're going to McDonalds." I sing-songed.

Carlos popped out from underneath the blankets. "I'll be ready in 10." he said loudly, albeit groggily.

I headed downstairs to wait with Logan. Jo approached me with cake.

"Here, it's leftover from last night. I made sure there were no drugs. Also, here, have a tequila shot, good for the hangover." Jo handed me the cake and alcohol and scurried off to help clean up.

"Is tequila actually good for a hangover?" I asked Logan.

"Fuck if I know." Logan said, raising his own.

We waited for a 10 minutes that turned into 30, but eventually James and Carlos ambled out of the elevator, both sporting dark sunglasses and hoodies.

"I am going to die." James announced.

"Oh, James, always having a flair for the dramatic." Camille teased, passing us by.

"Does she _ever _get hungover?" Carlos whined.

"No, because she has Jo on her ass keeping her from getting one." Logan said.

"Let's go, I'm starving." I rubbed at my eyes. "The only thing I've had to eat today is leftover cake and a shot of tequila."

"Welcome to college." All three guys said at once.

* * *

**Next time we will have more bonding and friendship and heart-to-heart conversations between James and Kendall (also known as, James profusely apologizing for being a douchewad and Kendall trying not to be on bad terms with his roommate).**


	4. This Town is Wasted and Alone

**I'm back from the dead. I had finals and then I crashed for about a day and a half and now I'm back writing. And am still sunburned from the lake last weekend.**

**In which McDonalds leads to in-depth conversations about Sailor Moon and why Carlos isn't allowed to make youtube videos anymore. Also a possible sad and angsty backstory, plus Kendall has great music taste (by that I mean my music taste, hahahah, what?).**

* * *

After a drive to McDonalds in heavy LA traffic (which involved a lot of swearing, flipping off assholes who clearly don't understand the purpose of turn signals, and about three U-turns, all of which I'm pretty sure were illegal), I'm crammed into a sweaty booth with James and sitting across from Carlos and Logan. James is sipping moodily at his milkshake, taking moments in between sips to cram large amounts of Big Mac down his throat. My legs are sticking to the vinyl of the booth through my skinny jeans and I'm almost positive that this restaurant hasn't turned it's air conditioning on all summer.

"So, I'm an asshole." James finally said, breaking our not-silence (How could there be silence in a McDonalds between the hours of 6 AM and 8 PM?). "I'm really fucking sorry, Kendall. I do stupid things when I'm drunk."

"James it's fine."

"I mean, I can't help it. I'm hot, you're hot, we should totally be hot together!" James teased, obviously cheered up by getting some food in his blood stream.

"I make stupid decisions while I'm drunk, too." Carlos pipes up from his rabid chicken nugget eating. "This one time I made a video of me wearing this really cheap sailor costume I'd bought at Party City or something and singing-slash-dancing to the _Sailor Moon _theme song."

"Needless to say, he's not allowed to make youtube videos while drunk." Logan shows enough embarrassment from the entire ordeal to make up for Carlos's lack of giving a shit.

"Do you still have the video?" I asked.

"Hell yes." James, Carlos, and Logan all said at once.

"It's still online, it's got like 200,000 views since I posted it a couple years ago." Carlos dove back into his chicken nuggets.

"Again, I'm really sorry, man." James nudged me a little.

"James, I'm serious. It's fine. You were drunk, and it's not like you killed me or anything. You backed off, albeit you had to kind of be forced off."

James just unwrapped another Big Mac.

"Jesus, how many of those things are you gonna eat?"

"I haven't eaten in about 15 hours, Kendork." James mumbled through a mouthful of hamburger.

I shrugged and picked at my fries. I had suddenly lost my appetite, but I knew I needed to eat if I didn't want my money (the whole $10) to go to waste.

"When was the first time you had to pry a drunk guy off you, Kendall?" Logan asked quietly.

"Huh?" I turned to him.

"That was obviously not your first rodeo last night. You've had to keep drunk guys off you quite a bit, haven't you?"

"Well, I'm from Middle-of-Nowhere, Minnesota, there's always big dumb parties out there with copious amounts of alcohol, so yeah, there's been a few times that I've had to fend off drunks."

Logan just nodded and hummed. I could tell that he knew that I had more to talk about than what I was letting on, but like hell I was telling him about my childhood traumas. I didn't even want to think about that kind of thing.

James and Carlos had completely ignored our conversation. James was now fighting his way through his fifth(?) burger.

"Wait, so you're saying you know all the words to the _Sailor Moon _theme song?" I asked, turning to Carlos.

"Duh, that show was, like, my childhood. That and _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. _I also specialize in knowing all the words to all the songs on System of a Down's _Mesmerize _album." Carlos beamed.

"What's the best song on that album?" I quizzed. "This is important to know if we are going to be friends."

"'Lost in Hollywood', duh." Carlos licked some ketchup off his fingers.

"Alright, we can be friends." I said, leaning back against the sticky seat. "Although I will admit the 'Soldier Side' Intro is pretty damn great for a song that barely passes a minute, sets up a nice feel for the whole album."

"Agreed." Carlos nodded thoughtfully.

"I'm going to have to write down all your bands and learn all the words to your favorite songs and serenade you to make you fall in love with me." James laughed, piling his trash up onto the tray.

"Good luck with that, loverboy. Especially considering 'Lost in Hollywood' is about how fucked up Hollywood is. Not the greatest love song." I grinned. "Best Muse song?"

"Not really into them, but 'Unnatural Selection' is beast in musical terms." Logan said, adding his trash to James's pile.

"Agreed. We now must get James into our excellent taste in music and we will rule the world." I laughed like a Saturday-morning cartoon villain.

"Oh no, I'm not down for screaming." James said, shaking his head.

"It's not all screaming." Logan pointed out. "Muse is very progressive, and 'Lost in Hollywood' is actually really slow, at least for a System of a Down song."

"If you don't like screaming, I think punk or pop punk would be your preferred area of interest." Carlos advised.

"Ever heard of 'The Middle' by Jimmy Eat World?" I asked.

James scoffed. "Everyone and their mother knows that song."

"You've at least got a basic gist of pop punk." I nudged him. "Let me out, I've gotta go pee."

James rose and let me out from my plastic-y, sweaty prison between him and the cement wall.

The bathroom's about 20 times hotter, but it's empty and quieter than the rest of the restaurant, so I take advantage of the break from conversation. James was hot, but he didn't have a clue about decent music. Music is my baby, I refuse to even allow myself to be interested in someone with a shit taste in music. This was known as, back in high school, as the "Kendall Knight law". Which A, dictated if you couldn't list at least five of the same bands that I liked as your favorites, then we couldn't talk, and B, was the reason I wasn't crawling with dates in high school.

I came back from the bathroom and the guys were standing around waiting on me by the door.

"Damn, took you 20 minutes to piss?" Carlos laughed.

"You should see the decor in there, Carlitos! Absolutely gorgeous!" I joked, doing my best impression of those guys on the home improvement shows my mom used to always watch.

We all bounced back and forth in our conversation until we got back to school. "Well, I'm gonna go sleep off my food baby." I said, even though I hadn't eaten nearly as much as Carlos and James had.

"Same." Logan agreed. He looked at me in a strange, analytical way. It was a look that read "I know you're hiding something, and I'm not going to force you because I'm not a douche and we aren't even close friends yet, but I hope one day you trust me enough to tell me about it."

I nodded and stepped into my room, leaving Logan to look after James and Carlos, who were bickering over which was better, DC or Marvel.

I could have put a stop to their argument with this really deep, long-winded speech on why Marvel is superior because of it's representation of the vast majority of the human spectrum, but I probably would have bored them to tears. So I let them continue on, arguing over whether or not Iron Man is better than Batman.

So I just crawled into bed and attempted to sleep, but instead stared up at the bottom of the top bunk and wondered why I had to be so fucked up that my new friend was trying to psychoanalyze me.

James came in a little while later, and climbed up to the top bunk.

"You know what you were saying earlier, about how fucked up Hollywood is?" James asked.

"Yeah." I said. "Well, I didn't say Hollywood was fucked up, System of a Down did."

"Well, whoever said it, they're right. This town does shit to people, I've seen it happen. I grew up in Southern California. People want to make it big, and so very few of them do. You've gotta work hard to get to the top."

I didn't really have a response for that.

"Kendall, don't let Hollywood fuck you up. You don't really like drinking, I can tell. It must be a strictly social thing for you, right?" He doesn't wait for my response before continuing. "I'm pretty damn messed up, I get this thrill out of drinking, you know? Just, don't let Hollywood ruin your sight. You've got a real passion for music, dude. Don't lose it because you let this town get a hold of you. Don't be like me."

"Wait, you... Hollywood ruined your dream?" I asked, leaning up to look in James direction.

But he was already fast asleep.

* * *

**Yeah, my opinions on music and comics came out quite a bit in this chapter. A bit of filler, but I want to set up the guys' comfort level with each other, that way they aren't just slammed into automatic best-friendship.**

**Also I just wanted to write Carlos dancing and singing the Sailor Moon theme after I sang it for a friend of mine last weekend at like 2 am when I spent the night at her house. I'm pretty excited for the reboot, considering I was probably seven the last time I watched Sailor Moon. My interest in magical girls has peaked after finishing Madoka Magica.**

**Thanks for all the reviews I've gotten on this, it's really cool to see that there are people who have similar tastes in music as me. (Bonus points to btrsavedmylife for catching the You Me At Six lyrics in the fic description.)**


	5. I Gotta Feel the Wind Chill Again

**God, sorry this has taken so long. I was out of town the week before last and this past week I was burnt out of inspiration for anything I'm writing right now. **

**Also, sorry for the timeskip I'm doing during this part of the fic. I don't really feel like writing an assload of filler, and I doubt that's what you guys want to read. Don't worry, real good meaty stuff is coming up soon.**

**Thanks for all the support this fic has gotten. It's a small audience, granted, but I'm still grateful for all the comments you guys have given me!**

**Also, all the temperatures in this fic and in fahrenheit, because I'm pretty sure I have at least one metric-using reader.**

* * *

The month of September was a blur. Classes started and before I knew it I was barely in my room, aside from doing homework and sleeping. James was off every other night doing something or other. I pretty much had his schedual memorized by the time the first of October rolled around: Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays he was working with an acting group he was in, Thursdays he had a math tutor (Logan), and Fridays he was either partying or curled up in a ball on top of his bed, refusing to move from being so burnt out from the week's events.

I fell into my own pattern as well, spending most of my time in a relatively unused music room in one of the music buildings on campus. (No, seriously, they have about 5-6 buildings all dedicated to music and the music industry.) I would sit around and write music and work on assignments in the one quiet place I was able to find on campus.

Say what you want about performing arts schools, at least they know how to fucking party.

It was mid-October the first time I saw anyone come into the music room besides me. It was already way past dark out, way later than I normally stay, and I was packing up my stuff to head back to my room when I heard the door open and close.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Oh, sorry, didn't know anyone was using this room. I'll leave." the person offered.

"Nah, I was just about to go." I said, stepping towards the door.

The girl standing at the door was holding nothing but a guitar case and was obviously not dressed for the surprisingly chilly weather. She had tucked her long, dark hair into her thin hoodie as a makeshift scarf in what I could only assume was a desparate attempt to not freeze to death.

"You are?" I asked, shrugging on my jacket.

"Lucy." She replied, bouncing up and down on her heels, trying to heat up.

"Kendall." I zipped up my jacket. "Do you live on campus? I've never seen you around before... Then again, I don't see many people outside of classmates and anyone who lives in my dorm building."

"Uh- oh, yeah." she stammered. "I live on campus. I'm not a music major... I mean, not _technically-_ I'm holding you up, aren't I? You should go."

"No, not really." I said, swinging my backpack up on my shoulders.

"Well, it's pretty late. You should be getting back." Lucy obviously didn't want to talk. She seemed pretty preoccupied with warming up.

"Here." I took the lightweight scarf I was wearing and handed it to her. "This should help a little."

"Oh- uh, thank you, Kendall." she said softly, taking the scarf from me. "How will I get this back to you?"

"I come to this room every day, next time you pass by just drop it off." I said, opening the door.

Lucy nodded and walked to the corner of the room without a goodbye.

I walked out the doors and down the darkened hallway. The air in the hall was strangely cold, and the cheap paper decorations that were stuck to the doors of the more festive teachers looked a good bit creepier than they would have normally.

As soon as I got outside, I was hit with a wall of cold air.

"And here I thought LA was known for it's warm and sunny climate year round." I grumbled into my hoodie. Despite it being in the high 70's to low 80's in the daytime, it cooled off to the 50's at night. The slight chill made me feel homesick for Minnesota, where, according to Mom, the temperatures had already started dipping below 40 at night.

I jogged back to the dorms, not having realized how late it was. My mind kept wandering back to Lucy. She had seemed strangely secretive, one of the first people I've met that was. I entered the lobby of the dorm building and hoped the guard on duty was one of the nicer ones. For the most part, the security was pretty relaxed, but there were a couple guards who would drill you about being out so late.

Luckily, the guard sitting at the desk didn't even look up from her phone when I walked in, so I just jogged past her and hopped into the elevator.

I entered my room and started changing. James was absent, which wasn't unusual, so I didn't have to worry about being unintentionally perved on. I climbed into a pair of relatively warm sweats and a t-shirt and climbed into bed.

I put my head to the pillow and tried to sleep, but just couldn't. I layed in bed, awake, for about an hour before James came in.

"Christ on a cracker, it's cold out there." James said loudly, switching on the overhead lights.

"Good thing I'm still awake." I said, hiding from the bright light.

James shrugged and plopped down at his desk and began frantically scribbling down something onto some paper.

"What are you doing?" I moaned, sticking my head out from beneath my pillow.

"Writing this down before I lose inspiration." James said, as if it were obvious.

I just stuck my head back under my pillow.

"Hey, James." I said, suddenly getting an idea. "You would probably know pretty much anyone on campus, right?"

"Not everyone, no, but I could probably give you a general idea of who's who." James said, beginning to strip. I averted my eyes out of courtesy (although I don't think he would have minded too much if I hadn't).

"Do you know of any girls named Lucy?" I asked.

"Lucy's a pretty generic name, you've got to give me details. You know her last name?"

"No, but- hold on." I pulled myself out of bed and walked over to my desk. I took a piece of paper and attempted to draw Lucy's hair. I didn't really know how to describe it.

"Do you know this one girl with hair like this?" I asked, holding it up. "It's red and black, but not like streaks? I don't know."

James sat and thought for a minute, then shook his head. "Sorry, never seen her. Why does it matter?"

"I ran into her at my music room tonight." I explained. James tugged a shirt on over his head, making it a bit easier for me to concentrate. "She was the first person to ever go into that room besides me that I've seen."

"I've heard rumors that that building is haunted. Some chick apparently got murdered there once upon a time. She might be a ghost." James teased.

"Nah, she was very real. I gave her my scarf." I said.

"Still, maybe she needed some form of attachment to you, and now she's going to haunt you f_or the rest of your life!_" James laughed maniacally.

"You've been watching too many b-movie horror flicks." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, it's Halloween, Kendall! Of course I'm watching shitty horror movies! It's the only way to truly get into the Halloween spirit!"

"Whatever, while you commune with the spirits, I'm going to bed." I turned off the lights and flopped into bed. James crawled up onto his bunk and sighed.

"Fine, I'll call upon the dark lord Cthulhu to come and smother you with a pillow." I heard James roll over onto his side and then still. "Goodnight, Kendall." he added, his voice much softer.

"'Night." I reply quietly. I had never realized how often it was that James got home and I was already knocked out (or, in one specific case where I went to an audition with Camille while Jo was sick, vice-versa).

"Hey, James?" I called out into the darkness.

"Hm?" James acknowledged me.

"Do you... I don't know... Wanna go see a movie this weekend? Or have a netflix marathon of your shitty b-movie horror movies? I don't know." I stuck my face in a pillow.

"Nothing good is playing right now, but a netflix marathon sounds great." I could hear James's grin.

"Okay. It's a date then." I was blushing like crazy.

"A date." James sighed dreamily. "You know, Kendall, this puts me one step closer to getting into your pants."

"Aaaaand, you ruined it." I laughed. "Go to sleep, asshole."

"Goodnight, sweet prince." James teased, and I heard him blow an air kiss above me.

I rolled over and hugged a pillow, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

* * *

**DAAAAAAAATE NIIIIIIIIGHT. Next time. And I promise next time will be in less than a month this time (hopefully next week if I'm lucky!).**

**Also I live in NC and everything I know about LA weather comes from my father's travels and personal research, so I'm sorry if I'm horribly innacurate.**

**Also gonna have a hard time finding a Fall Out Boy title for this one. Not angsty enough, or enough drinking.**

**Sorry this is so short, I'm just so uninspired right now. And it's 3 am, and I really just want to get some sleep.**


	6. Am I More Than You Bargained For Yet?

**So Kendall posted the most adorable video on instagram today for James's birthday, and I actually have watched it around 30 times today.**

**That's why I'm writing this at 12:36 in the morning, even though I have driver's ed in the morning.**

**The netflix date happens, and also drama. Also, triggers for sexual assault, as a warning.**

**Hope ya'll enjoy.**

* * *

The rest of that week was hectic and crazy. I began working on an EP for one of my classes (I had to write a 6-song EP by the end of the semester, which was proving far more difficult than it sounds.), and was spending hours in the music room. I never saw Lucy again that week, but my scarf ended up on the table where I typically sit, so I knew she had been by since the night we ran into each other.

But as the weekend drew closer, I found myself wanting to drown myself in my music and cancel the date with James in favor of working. Not because I wasn't interested, I really did like him; he's hot as hell and if he's interested in me, then I shouldn't have any issues dating him, right? Not exactly. See, sexual assault doesn't exactly leave people feeling too open for new relationships, even if it has been a little over a year.

But, as Friday finally reared it's ugly head, I found myself heading out of the music building well before dark. In fact, there were still dozens of students lounging around, even commuting to classes and dorms. I took a deep breath as I stepped onto our floor (I took the stairs and moved as slowly as possible, as to prolong my suffering) and finally entered our room.

James was absent, as he wouldn't be here for another hour, but it gave me time to get my bearings together and relax myself. Normally, whenever I was stressed or freaked out about something, I would listen to music and crawl under a blanket for an hour or so. But this time was different, just something didn't feel normal about this anxiety. It was almost... positive. Good stress.

I'd never really felt it before.

An hour passed all too soon and James barged in, carrying a large paper bag in one arm and his hoodie in the other.

"I'm here! With food!" James announced, dropping his hoodie onto his desk chair and then setting the bag on the table. He began digging through it and produced a box of popcorn.

"Popcorn..." he mumbled to himself as he pulled things out of the bag. "Cheetos... More ranch..." he stowed the ranch dressing in the mini fridge and kept going until the bag was empty, it's contents either put away or splayed out on his desk.

"You ready for our date, Kenny?" James smiled, turning to me.

"Kenny? Since when was I Kenny when you were sober?" I laughed.

"Aw, you don't like pet names? Darn, I was really looking forward to calling you pooky in front of all of our friends."

"Pet names are fine I guess, just not Kenny. Makes me think of South Park."

James shrugged. "Fair enough."

He produced his laptop and placed it on my bed. "Just remember, if you get too scared, we can always cuddle." James teased.

"Of course." I rolled my eyes.

James popped the popcorn and we dug into the snacks. Halfway through the third laughably bad horror flick, James sat up and paused the movie. "You wanna order pizza?"

"Sure." I shrugged.

James picked up his phone and went into the bathroom to get better signal. (Turns out our room was the only dead spot in all of LA.) Upon emerging, he flung himself onto the bed, making me bounce up slightly with an "Oof!"

"You alright?" James asked.

"Peachy." I moaned, rolling over. James was laying on his side, his shirt riding up, revealing his toned stomach. His hair was messy and his glasses gleamed off the computer screen. (He had abandoned his contacts and hour ago, saying they were bothering his eyes.)

He was, to put it simply, hotter than he was normally.

"You alright there, loverboy?" James asked, edging closer.

"F-fine." I stuttered.

The gap between us was slowly closing. Suddenly, warm fingers were on my back, and his forehead was touching mine. I felt his lips press against mine softly, before pulling away and rolling over onto his back.

"Finally." he sighed.

We layed there in an awkward silence before he asked: "Can we do that again?"

"...Sure."

...And then, I don't know what happened. It was so nice, feeling his lips on mine, moving slowly and gently. He wasn't pushing me. He wasn't forcing me to do anything I didn't want to do. It was nice.

But it couldn't last.

I pulled away, speaking way too loudly. "I think that was the pizza guy I should go pay him yeah I'm gonna go pay him." Three sentences ran together in one, long, mish-mash sentence. I crawled out of bed and walked to the door, making my escape.

I knew the excuse was total bullshit. I just couldn't believe myself. I had finally been enjoying myself, a night laughing at shitty horror movies with a cute boy who I was ridiculously attracted to. I should have known it would evolve into a makeout session. I should have known.

I sat down in the hallway and put my head between my knees. "Damnit." I mumbled, trying not to shake or cry. "Damnit, just, damnit."

"Kendall?" I looked up and saw Logan staring down at me.

"Oh, hey." I said softly, looking up at him.

Logan slid down the wall next to me. "You okay?" he asked, setting his bag next to him.

"Yeah, I'm just being stupid." I muttered. "It's no big deal."

"Well, you're on the verge of tears in the hallway on you and James's big date night. It must be a pretty 'big deal'." He makes air quotes around "big deal".

I guess if there's anyone of my not-so-new school friends I could break it to first, it would be Logan.

"Can you keep a secret?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, sure." Logan said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Back when I was in high school... I had this boyfriend. He and I dated for two years, and at first, it was great. He was the sweetest thing. I loved him so much. Then... then he developed a bit of a drinking problem. He was a fun drunk though... he never hit me or threatened me... until one night..." I caught myself sniffling. Well shit, there goes not crying. "He came over after getting drunk... he had a friend drop him off, he knew not to drink and drive, he was a pretty sensible drunk, usually..." I laughed bitterly to myself. "But, he came over... and then... he- he beat the shit out of me and then tried to get me to have sex with him. Luckily, he laid off after I started fighting back... but I could never get that feeling off my skin. I took a two hour shower after I kicked him out, but I couldn't get rid of the feeling. That was a year ago. I still sometime wake up and can feel his hands holding me down... I just... I just don't..." I trailed off.

"So, James made a move on you, and it made you feel threatened." Logan nodded.

"But I liked it when James kissed me!" I said, frustrated. "It was so good, and then... then I just- panicked, I guess."

Logan nodded. "Do you feel like you can trust James?"

I thought about it for a minute. Other than that party before school started, James had been flirty and teasing, but never hurtful or disrespectful. Even when he had been begging me to have sex with him in a drunken stupor, he was apologetic both sober and drunk after I told him I wasn't interested.

"Yeah, yeah I do." I said finally.

"Then you should get back in there! James is really into you, man. You should hear him talk about you when I tutor him. He won't shut up! It's always 'Oh, Kendall did this really cute thing the other day!' or 'Jesus, I really hope he's into me'. He really wants you to be with him, Kendall." Logan said.

"Just, maybe explain things to him?" I asked. Logan nodded.

"It'll be okay, Kendall. I promise." Logan stood and extended his hand to me.

"Good luck." He patted me on the shoulder and pushed me towards the door.

I took a deep breath and stepped inside.

"Sorry, not the pizza guy." I said sheepishly.

"...I head you and Logan talking." James said after a long pause, avoiding my gaze.

"You did?"

"These walls are pretty thin, Kendall. I think we've learned this the hard way." James laughed awkwardly.

"Oh... well..."

"I understand, I really do."

I nodded, staring at my feet.

"You... wanna watch the rest of that movie? From a respectable distance, of course." James reached out cautiously for my hand.

"I'd like that." I smiled, taking his hand. "I'd really like that."

We spent the rest of our night like that, holding hands from opposite sides of the bed, eating and watching movies until we both fell asleep sometime around two in the morning.

Someone banging on the locked bathroom door woke us up around 11 am.

"Rise and shine, lovebirds, we're going to McDonalds!" Carlos shouted.

I rolled over on my back and looked at James, our hands still locked. I'd done it. I'd dated another person, and they hadn't freaked out like I'd worried. James didn't mind, he was understanding.

And that meant the world to me in that moment, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk, feeling high on an emotion I hadn't felt in a year.

Passion, hope... maybe even the first stirrings of love.

* * *

**Well, this happened.**

**This got more serious than I originally planned, hopefully more lighthearted stuff is on the way!**

**Thanks for reading, it means the world to me.**


	7. Let's Hear it for America's Sweethearts

**I'M STILL ALIVE.**

**I meant to update this back in July before I went to camp, but then my house flooded, I was gone for half a week, then I was busy doing other stuff for like a month, and I just started back school Monday.**

**So sorry for the wait, thank you all for your lovely comments!**

* * *

After James and I became a "thing", life continued on as normal. As the days grew shorter and colder, I spent longer and longer amounts of time trying to finish my EP before winter break. I would go down to the music room at three and stay until midnight or one in the morning sometimes. I still had yet to run into Lucy again, though.

Until one night, around 11 PM, I was working on the last song for my project. I had been stuck on it for nearly a month, almost wanting to just scribble down some generic bullshit for it and just put it to a nice beat. But I'd honestly rather have substantial lyrics than have to overcompensate with the music, so I kept trying to get some inspiration (from staring at a white wall, probably not the best way to gain inspiration, but whatever.)

I heard the door to the building open and shut, not really caring. The doors to the building didn't lock, I'd come to find out, and students liked to come down here late at night to mess around- everything from voyeuristic sex (which I was actually invited to join in on, to which I'd had to remind Camille that I'm gay and in a relationship) to some stupid high school students with older siblings that went to the Palm Woods filming vines. The doors to the music room opened, and I turned around to see Lucy standing at the door, still wearing the same hoodie I'd seen her wearing the last time I saw her.

"Oh, hey." She said, walking into the locker room, not shutting the door behind her.

"Hey." I called, returning to my work.

I heard the water from the little sink in the locker room running and some shuffling in one of the lockers before she came back out, a thin blanket draped around her shoulders.

"Whatcha working on?" she asked, sitting down on the floor next to me.

"My EP for my songwriting class." I told her, tapping my pencil on the tip on my shoe.

"Cool." she said, taking an apple out from beneath her blanket-cape and taking a bite.

"Do you, just, keep blankets in here for random sleepovers at the unlocked music building?" I asked.

"You a nark, Kendall?" she asked between bites of apple.

"A what?" I asked.

"A nark. Rat. Tattler. Whatever floats your boat." Lucy replies, looking me dead in the eyes.

"Uh, no?" I said, confused.

"You didn't seem like that type." Lucy said. "I'm actually not a student here. In fact, I'm not a student anywhere."

I turned to look at her, cocking my head to the side like a dog.

"I'm homeless, dumbass." Lucy rolled her eyes at me and kept munching at her apple. "I found out from a friend of mine who goes here that this music building not only doesn't lock automatically, but that it also has a shower in the janitor's closet at the end of the hall."

"Really?" I asked. _Forget waiting on James to take a shower in the morning, _I thought, _I'll just take a shower while I'm down here!_

"You don't wanna use it if you have a choice. It's basically a showerhead and a hole in the floor to keep water from going everywhere. A glorified spicket, if you will." Lucy tossed her apple core into a trash can sitting nearby.

"Oh." I stared down at my feet, unsure how to respond. "Do you not have parents, or-"

"Oh, I have parents." Lucy let out a snort. "They're jackasses who only think of themselves, but yeah, I have parents. They're the reason I'm fuckin' homeless!"

"I didn't realize." I blurted. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Lucy sighed, hugging her knees. I heard her stomach rumble.

"You hungry?"

"Very." she admitted, looking longly at the trash. "My friend who goes here used to feed me, but these days she can't afford it. Broke college kids, you know?"

"Maybe I could bring you something. I'm down here nearly every day." I offered.

"I'm not a charity case, kid." she spoke softly. "But I'm in no position to say no if you're offering."

"I don't have anything on me tonight, I'll see what I can do tomorrow, though." I offered. She just nodded, refusing to make eye contact.

I began packing my stuff up. It was obvious I wasn't getting anything done tonight, anyways.

"Hey, Kendall?" Lucy spoke up right as I was about to leave. I turned to her.

"Thanks." she smiled.

"No problem. Goodnight." I slipped out the door.

When I walked in, James was sitting on my bed. He gave me a surprised look as I walked in.

"You're back early." he said. "Well, still late, but earlier than normal." he added after checking his phone for the time.

"Eh, I had my reasons." I dropped my stuff off in my desk chair and shooed him to the end of the bed so I could get in.

"Did that Lucy chick finally show back up?" he asked.

"How'd you guess?"

"I have ESPN or something."

"James, it's ESP. Not ESPN. ESPN is sports."

"I'm sorry, it's fucking late and my brain has been functioning since six."

"Then go to bed, stupid." I grinned, throwing a pillow at him.

I wormed out of my hoodie as James took his shirt off and climbed into his own bed. I was wearing a pair of sweat pants, so I could sleep comfortably in what I was already wearing.

"Hey, Kendall?" James asked after a few minutes of us laying there in silence.

"Hm?" I responded.

"Do you think I could come down there?"

James had only asked one other time to sleep in the same bunk as me, and that was when he was sick with a low fever that dissappeared by the time his class started the next morning.

"You sick again?" I asked.

"N-no, I mean, if you're not okay with it, it's fine-" he stammered. James Diamond was not a nervous person as a rule, so I knew something was up.

"It's fine, come on down." I said, sliding over to make room for his slightly larger body.

James slid into bed next to me, his face so close to mine that I could make out the majority of his details, despite the darkness.

"D-do you think you'd want to come to my place for Thanksgiving? You know, since you said you weren't going home for Thanksgiving." James whispered after a few minutes of us having an impromptu staring contest.

"I-I'd love, too, James." I said softly, edging closer to him.

"G-great." James stammered, regaining his bearings. "My Mom really wanted to meet you, so."

"It'll be great." I smiled.

We layed therre for another hour or so, until we finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**I really don't like the ending, but it's late and I have school in the morning.**

**I'm longing for the holidays right now, don't judge me.**

**I'm even considering breaking out the Christmas playlists I have on 8tracks, I want it to be, like, November THAT BAD.**

**Next time we'll get to me the Diamond family and learn a little bit more about James's background, so that'll be good.**

**Thank you so much for being patient with me, I promise to update sooner.**


	8. I Will Never End Up Like Him

**Hello yes it is Emma.**

**You know that girl who was supposed to update this 20 years ago?**

**Yeah.**

**Sorry for the delay, I've been busy with school, among other things. Thank you all for being patient with me.**

**Also, as always, thank you all so much for the positive feedback for this fic! I love hearing from you guys, it gives me the energy to actually write shit, tbh.**

* * *

"You promise that he'll be coming out with you for Christmas, right?"

"Yes, Mom, we've talked it over, and apparently his mom is always super busy around the holiday season anyways." I flung my backpack over my shoulder, waiting for James to finish loading up the car. I shifted my phone from my right ear to my left while looking around the nearly abandoned campus. Despite the fact that school was only out for four days (Wednesday through Friday, with Monday allowed as a traveling day, but since James's house was only two hours from campus, we'd just be staying there until Monday evening), everyone seemed in a rush to get out of school.

"Alright, call me sometime tonight." There was the sound of shouting in the background followed by the sound of shattering glass. "Katie! No more nerf guns in the house!" Mom shouted, bothering to only move her mouth slightly away from the phone to yell. "Your sister said to tell you she misses you, by the way."

"God, I can't wait to see what she does to 'initiate' James into the family." I laughed to myself. "She nearly scared the piss out of Alex with those bottle rockets."

"I know, right? It'll be interesting, for sure. I just hope she doesn't nearly destroy the house this time." Mom laughed as well. "Seriously, though, I think James has been a good thing for you. You can finally mention Alex without sounding like you're going to break down."

"Yeah, me too." I agreed. James made me feel comfortable with confronting my past, like there was a new barrier between me and everythng that had happened back in Minnesota. I was determined to not allow him to become a crutch, though. I needed to stand on my own, if I ever had to.

"Well, I'll talk to you later." Mom said. I could just see her going over her shopping list one last time for Thanksgiving, watching the first snowflakes of the first real snow of the season beginning to come from the gray-white sky through the window. I could almost smell the pumpkin and apple spice candles she always burns during the holiday season, and could smell the food cooking in the kitchen on Thanksgiving day.

"Yeah, send the family my love, tell them I miss them." I told her, handing my backpack to James for him to toss into the back seat.

"Will do, love you, Kendall." Mom's voice is warm and soft, and I can already feel the aching for Christmas break in my bones.

"Love you, too." I smiled gently, and then hung up the phone.

"Ready to go?" James asked, walking up.

"Yeah, let's go."

The car drive was fairly uneventful, aside from fighting through the always-heavy LA traffic that stretched our two hour drive into four (and also involved an awkward conversation between James and his mother on the phone, where I could hear plenty of yelling on her part and only a complacent, if exasperated, "Yes, Mom" or "Okay, Mama" out of James), and we arrived in La Jolla, which was a good ten degrees cooler than Los Angeles current 70s, in one piece.

"Just to warn you about my mother, she's a very... compelling... woman. It's ridiculously hard- if not completely impossible- to say no to her. But she's usually not too hard on my boyfriends... usually." James warned, stepping out of his car.

The Diamond villa was a medium-sized beach house that very obviously flaunted it's wealth. The driveway had been a quarter of a mile long, and an expensive sports car sat in the open garage.

"Come through the garage door, Mom always sends someone else to answer the front door." James instructs me, tossing me my backpack and overnight bag. I nod and follow him into the garage. The longer I spent getting inside James's house, the less and less I wanted him to see the small, beat-up apartment that I called home. Not that it was a shack or anything- I mean, it's a two story, three bedroom house, with working amenities and a better cable package, but something told me that James wasn't going to be too overwhelmed by it.

James rapped his knuckles on the door. I heard the sound of scuffling, barking, and heels clicking before the door swung open. Standing before me was a rather intimidating, but still good looking, woman in her mid-to-late forties. Two yorkshire terriers darted out the door from behind her, jumping on James and me.

"Chanel, Marius!" James bent down and picked the dogs up, both of them lapping at his face.

"Marius?" I asked, amused. "As in Marius Pontmercy from Les Mis?"

"Young James had a phase, man." James laughed, gently putting the dogs down. All I could see was a younger James sitting curled up in his bedroom, listening to Les Miserables while shouting "YOU DON'T KNOW ME MOM!" while downing a bag of sour cream and onion chips. I bit back a laugh at the image.

"Are you going to just stand there talking about the dogs or is my only son going to actually give me a hug?" She asks James.

James just smiles and hugs his mother before turning back to me. "Kendall, this is my mom; Mom, this is Kendall Knight." James says, stepping out from in between us.

"Brooke Diamond, head of Diamond Cosmetics, a smaller subsection of the Loreal company." She introduces herself.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Diamond." I shake her outstretched hand.

"Ms. Diamond is my official name, please, call me Brooke." she smiled, stepping aside to let me and James inside. "And I haven't been a missus in years, so don't even worry about formalities."

I didn't have much time to process what Brooke had just told me before James grabbed my hand and started pulling me into the kitchen. "Come on, I'll give you the tour!" he said excitedly, like a little kid the first time a friend came over to their house. "Just leave your bags by the island, someone'll take them up to your room."

I dropped my stuff where James told me to and immediately he whisked me away to the next room. "This is the dining room." He said, gesturing grandly around. Yet again, that feeling of wanting to hide my own house from James took over, especially considering his dining room was the size of my living room and dining room area combined. We didn't hang around long, because next up was the living room, I mean, the _lounge_. Then came the master bedroom, followed by the upstairs area with the actual living room, then all three guest rooms, and finally, James's room, which was the only room that didn't look like it had been copied directly out of one of those high-end house television shows that aired on PBS on Saturdays. It was the biggest of the upstairs bedroom, and also had a balcony overlooking the beach.

"Your room is right next door." James explained. "I was just going to share a room, but I didn't know if you'd be comfortable with that, with everything that you told me about..." James trailed off.

"No, no, it's totally fine." I said, holding my hands up. I was already way out of my comfort zone, I didn't want anyone going to too great of lengths on my part. Besides, me and him would be sharing a room at my place anyways, and yet again, I tried so hard to push how tiny my house was out of my mind.

We sat down on the bed before James shot up. "Oh yeah, I forgot, come check this out!" James said, walking over to his closet. He opened the door, and pushed some old clothes he'd left behind when he'd gone to the Palm Woods aside. Behind them was a door that was barely over five feet tall. He carefully opened it and practically crawled inside (considering how huge he was in comparison to the door) and called out for me to follow suit. I came in behind him and walked crouched down until the ceiling went up and leveled out, revealing an entire secret room. It was mostly full of old stuffed animals and toys that had obviously not been touched in years, but there was also an elaborate stereo set up in one corner, and a small TV set up in another corner.

"Welcome to Casa de James." he said, standing in the middle of the room.

"So this is, like, your little hide-y hole." I said, looking around.

"Yeah, I guess so. This is where I come to get away from stuff, you know?" James shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I can understand that." I nodded.

"Anyways, we can just hang out in here until dinner. On actual Thanksgiving, Mom throws a huge business party where everyone gets super drunk on expenisve wine but won't admit their drunk. Either way we can come in here and drink if you want, trust me, it's better than trying to socialize. So tonight she's holding a "family" Thanksgiving." James says, walking over to one of the toys standing in the corner. It's a large, expensive looking giraffe plush, that looked like it had recieved a good bit of love during it's hayday. "Usually it's just a couple takeout pizzas and champagne, but I think this year she's actually gonna try." James's voice sounded pained as he reached up to dust of the giraffe's nose.

"I really fucking loved giraffes as a kid, so to make up for all the shit that happened between her and Dad, my mom bought me an assload of giraffe stuff. Literally everything I owned was giraffe until I was like, 10 or something. Then it was technology. She bought me a bunch of stuff to make up for the fact that she was never around, and that dad was married to a prostitute he'd knocked up who was barely old enough to have been my babysitter, and that he wasn't around anymore except for to leach money off of her whenever he needed another case of expensive beer." James said quietly.

"Oh, James." I said softly.

"I have a half brother out there... somewhere. I don't know where, though. They put him up for adoption because they already had to see my sorry ass four times a year, why should they have to actually take care of a kid?" James's voice shook, as though he were on the verge of crying. "Why should they actually care about me? Why should they worry about keeping in touch with me when my mom obviously has everything under control?"

I pressed my forehead against his shoulder blade, feeling his body tremble with a mixture of anger and sorrow. This was not my confident, silly boyfriend. This was a broken boy who had gone through too much in his life.

"I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have told you all of that." he mumbled. "It's just, every time I come in here, I see all the giraffes and I just think back to all the nights that I tucked myself in, with all 25 of my giraffes in my bed. A three year old shouldn't have to tuck himself in at night while he listens to his parents scream downstairs."

I nodded in agreement, still keeping my forehead against his back.

"I've always wanted to be a father. But I'm worried I'll treat my kid like shit, because you know, it runs in the family or something according to statistics and stuff." James said.

"Untrue, my Mom came from a broken home and she raised me and Katie just fine." I offered, sympathy oozing in my voice.

"But still-"

"You're not ever going to be like him, James. Ever." I said softly. "End of discussion."

We were quiet for a moment before I said gently, "My dad died in Iraq."

"Oh... oh." James said softly, unsure of what to say.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he were still around, you know? Like, what would he do to mess with any boy I brought home? Would he be cool about it or would he help Katie with all the shit she does- by the way, look out for her." I laugh, albeit bitterly. "I just miss him a lot. He was very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, so he wouldn't have minded that I'm gay. He would have really liked you, I think."

James just nodded. I'm pretty sure we were both in tears at this point, but neither one of us wanted to admit it. So we just stood there, hot tears running down our faces.

Eventually, we heard the doorbell ring and the sound of James's mom and someone else talking below.

"Oh look." James said softly. "She ordered takeout pizza."

* * *

**GOOD CHRIST THIS GOT SAD**

**I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO GET SAD WHAT THE HELL.**

**THIS STARTED OUT AS A HAPPY LITTLE CRACK PROJECT AND NOW EVERYONE IS CRYING.**

**FUCK.**

**Well, I hope you guys likes this regardless.**

**It's almost one am, I'm going to bed now.**


	9. Get Them Drunk on Rose Water

**I was gonna write ChellDos fic until I realized I hadn't updated this in a couple weeks and then felt bad so here. Take some drunk people and Kendall being awkard.**

**You're welcome, internet.**

* * *

"Thanksgiving" dinner with James's mom was... awkward, to say the least. She didn't really say much to either me or James for the first few minutes, only quietly sipping her fancy champaign and giving me a cold stare from the opposite end of the table. It was a very different look than the one she had given me earlier when I had first gotten there.

"So, Kendall," she said, after looking my visibe body up and down more times than I could count, "where did you say you were from again?"

"M-Minnesota." I accidentally stammered.

"Hm, where in Minnesota?" she took a delicate bite of her pizza, before carefully setting it back down on the plate.

"Dover, it's about 20 miles outside of Rochester." I explained, before quietly sipping my own drink.

"Is it a small town?" she asked.

"Very." I said, nodding. "It's got a population of under 1,000."

"Quaint." she spoke amusedly. "Very quaint. James," she turned her head quickly to James, who had been quietly picking at his slice of pizza, eyes glued awkwardly to the plate. "how did you say you and Kendall met again?"

"He's my roommate, Mom. We met on the first day we were there." James explained softly.

"Ah, okay. Since you won't be joining us for Christmas, I thought I could buy your present a bit... early." Brooke flashed me her megawatt smile- intimidating and beautiful at the same time. "So, tomorrow morning I'm taking you out to buy you a suit for tomorrow night. Won't that be fun?" There was a slight edge to her speech, something that told me that if I insinuated anything less than thrilled she might have me decapitated.

"Sounds like a plan." I smiled warmly. I'm not an actor by any stretch of the imagination, but parents have always liked me, whether they were boyfriends' parents or someone elses'.

Brooke smiled back and continued eating her pizza, this time with a bit more vigor, but still elegantly and in a way only she probably could have pulled off.

We continued on like that for the rest of dinner, making quiet conversation, James studying the tabletop like he would be tested on it's appearance for his final grade the next morning, the occasional sound of knife cutting pizza after Brooke got tired of eating with her fingers. It was nice- nerve-wracking, but nice.

Brooke dismissed herself from the table at 8 o'clock, claiming she had some important international calls to make before she got ready for bed. She invited us to have as much of the pizza as we wanted, and what we didn't want, someone would clean up for us and put any leftovers in the fridge.

After she was completely gone, James's head snapped up. "I think she liked you." he said unconvincingly. "I think."

"Is 'I think' good?" I asked.

"Probably." James shrugged, finishing off his slice in two bites. "Ugh, I can't stand eating in front of that woman, she makes me feel like a complete slob. I have no idea how you did that."

"I just didn't focus too much on her hands." I said, finishing off my last slice while James reached in for his second piece.

"Anyways, I'll be with you and her tomorrow, so you don't have to worry about any awkward conversation. You brought something semi-dressy with you, right?" James asked. "Not that I don't love the whole bohemian-homeless-hipster thing you normally do, because believe me, I do, but you're gonna stick out like a sore thumb at the mall tomorrow dressed like that."

"What bohemian-homeless-hipster thing?" I asked, bemused.

"Uh, like the beanies, and the flannel with that weird stain on the elbow and the Nirvana lyrics painted on the back of it, and the old Vans. I think it's hot as hell, but the mall my mom's gonna be taking us to is in a professional park area, most people won't be wearing anything short of ties and slacks." James explained.

"I have slacks, but not a tie." I said, reclining back in my chair (which is really fucking hard to do in straight up dining room furniture, also known as the most uncomfortable furniture known to man).

"You can borrow one of mine." James offered, finishing up and then dropping his napkin into his plate. "Come on, I want to take a shower and we'll be forced out of bed at around 9, so it's best to go ahead and get ready for bed so we can just pass out whevnever."

"You sound like you have experience with this." I joked.

"Dude, every year for, like, 17 years." James said, exasperated. "When I was a junior, I started working out and hit a growth spurt so I lost a shit-ton of weight, and couldn't fit into any of my old dress clothes anymore, so I spent, like, 9 hours at that place. It was hell."

"Wait, lost a shit-ton of weight?" I paused by the stairs and waited for James to catch up.

"Yeah, like, I was really fat as a kid. I actually had to switch schools growing up because of it. It was awful." James said. "But, if it hadn't been for that, you would have a slightly chubby, but still adorable boyfriend instead of a fine-as-hell, toned adoness boyfriend."

"I like how you're still implying we would be together." I teased, knowing full well we would be.

"Well duh, you're not a shallow asshole Kendall. Pretentious as fuck sometimes, yeah, but that's part of being an arts major. Shallow? God, no." James flung his arm around my shoulder and led me up the stairs.

When we got to James's room, he excused himself to the bathroom while I sprawled out on his bed, flipping through the TV channels. I eventually settled on some science show that would be mind-numbing enough to put me to sleep at 10 when I was used to going to bed at 2 in the morning. I decided to take a shower in the morning and switched into a pair of sweatpants (mine) and a t-shirt (James's... maybe. It might have been some guy's a year ahead of us who lives in our dorm because he and James had the exact same shirt, and they could have gotten mixed up in the wash, but James had had it for a month, so I was assuming it was his) before climbing into bed to wait for the bathroom to empty out so I could brush my teeth.

"I'm guessing you're sleeping in here?" James asked upon exiting the bathroom. He had gotten dressed in the bathroom, but his hair still dripped, making the collar and shoulders of his shirt a tiny bit see-through.

"Yeah, sure." I said, too tired to really give a damn. I forced myself to get out of bed and brush my teeth, but the minute I got back into the bed, it got incredibly hard to keep my eyes open. All the stress of trying to make sure Brooke liked me that had been piled on since the beginning of the month was lifted, and after the strain of dinner, I was exhausted.

"Someone's sleepy." James teased, flopping onto his side of the bed.

"A little bit." I agreed.

"I'll wake you up when you need to get up, so don't worry about an alarm or anything." James promised.

"How do I know you'll do that?" I questioned, my voice muffled becauset my face was smushed into the pillow.

"I'll set the alarm and get you up when I get up. Also, when the sun comes through the balcony doors, you're gonna wake up no matter what time it is. They took down my shades since I left, so we'll probably be up at, like, 7:30." James crawled under the duvet while he spoke, the TV illuminating his body in a soft light.

"Okay." I burrowed deeper beneath the warm covers. I wasn't about to pass out, but I could sleep pretty easily right then.

"Go to bed, stupid. You look tired as hell." James said, sliding over to me before wrapping an arm cautiously around me. I burried my face in his chest, before moving my eyes enough to watch the show on TV over his shoulder. He managed to press a kiss to my temple despite the awkward position before putting his own head down.

I don't really remember falling asleep. All I know is that I shut my eyes one minute and the next I open them and the sun is streaming through the balcony doors.

James was already up, tugging on a pair of pants. He obviously didn't know I was awake, or else he would have said something, so I keep quiet to see what he'll do.

He pulls an undershirt over his naked torso and then buttons up his dress shirt over it. I could finally tell why girls (and some guys I met back when I spent all my time on the internet learning about what it means to be gay) got all doe-eyed over a guy in nice clothes.

He fixes a tie around his neck, looks it over, and then abandons it. He walks over to the bed and whacks me with it.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty." He announces loudly.

"Ugh, I was already up. Thanks for the reverse striptease, by the way." I groaned, pulling myself from beneath the covers.

"You're welcome, babe." James winked.

I shuffled into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was pointed in about seventeen different directions, and my eyes had awful bags underneath them.

"Jesus, I look like shit." I mumbled, starting up the shower.

After my shower, I at least felt better. I pulled on the clothes that James had brought in for me while I was in the shower and then headed downstairs.

"Morning, Kendall." Brooke offered me an "oh my God, it's fucking early" smile. "How are you feeling today?"

"Fine." I smiled. "You?" I felt like I was having a conversation with my old therapist, not my boyfriend's mom.

"Fine, thanks." she flashed me a business grin and then went back to downing her breakfast smoothie.

"My mom's not a morning person until she's had _at least_ four cups of fruit." James explained once his mom was out of earshot. "Like, normal people drink coffee because the caffine wakes them up; my mom drinks a big ass smoothie every morning so she can wake up."

"Ah." I said, unable to find actual words.

"Here, let me fix your hair, it's a mess." James said sitting down on the couch. He patted his lap. "Sit."

I plopped myself awkwardly down onto his lap. He fiddled with the back of my head for a minute before saying, "Okay, yeah, this isn't gonna work. You're too tall for this shit. Sit on the footrest." James pointed to an overly-padded, white, leather cube on the floor. I followed his instruction and allowed him to finish messing with my hair.

"Okay, I don't have any gel or anything down here, but since it's wet, it should hold pretty well while it dries, I think." James pulled his phone out and put it on front camera so I could see myself.

"Holy shit." I said, looking at myself. My slight bags were still there, but suddenly, I looked like an honest to God rich kid, like the ones that went to the private school a couple of blocks down from my house who always drove by in their jeeps, blasting Eminem at six in the morning because they're assholes. My hair was slicked back into a mature 'do, my skin looked even and clear (thanks to the shower), and the button down I was wearing looked crisp and clean in the early morning light.

"You like it?" James smiled. "Because I know I do."

"I-I do." I muttered, unable to look away. Christ, I'm such a teenage girl sometimes.

Brooke came back in, car keys in hand. "I was going to have the driver take us, but this is family bonding day, so James can drive us." Brooke tossed him the keys before giving him a "drive the car and don't complain also I have shotgun because you and your boyfriend aren't having a private conversation without me involved because you might have voice sex or something goddamnit it's almost 8:30 in the morning" smile. James just took the keys and led us out to the garage.

The drive to the store was... unpleasant, to say the least. It was inherently awful, just very awkward. Brooke made decent conversation, James only spoke when spoken to, and I just tried to be pleasant.

As we pulled into the lot of the mall, James pulled up to the curve and handed the keys over to the valet parking guy. First of all, I'd never been to a mall where valet parking was a thing. Second, this guy looked like he could charge me more than my house was worth, so I kept to myself while Brooke talked to him.

"You seem intimidated." James said smoothly, grabbing my hand.

"A little bit, I mean, this world is just-"

"This world? Kendall it's the same world, just a slightly different variation." James laughed softly.

"You ready to go, Kendall?" Brooke said, stepping in front of us. James didn't drop my hand, so I didn't drop his.

"Yes, ma'am." I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking nervously.

"'Yes, ma'am'! Oh God, aren't you just the cutest thing." Brooke laughed a high-pitched,_ Sailor Moon_-villain-esque laugh before turning and walking towards the entrance of the mall.

The inside of the mall wasn't as different as I thought it would be. It had some higher end stores that I'd heard of before, but most of them I'd never seen. The only two I recoginized were Zara and Lush, but that was it. The rest were stores with weird, artsy displays that didn't even show their clothes in their window displays. I vaguely remember my mom saying something along the lines of "if they don't advertise their big winter sale or have a way to follow them on instagram on the front window, we can't afford it" once upon a time.

"Here it is." Brooke said, leading us into a big store with some french name I couldn't pronounce. "Take your time, find something you like. Then, we'll all go out for frozen yogurt!" Brooke laughed that weird laugh again before running off to find me a sales' associate.

"Will the yogurt be coated in crushed diamonds?" I whispered in James's ear. "Seriously I'm afraid to touch anything, just breathing on something might cost me $1,000."

James snorted. "Come on, it would only be, like, $200 _at most. _And the yogurt isn't coated in crushed diamonds, it's an optional topping."

An associate came gliding over to us, looking like something out of those snooty french fashion designs. Her dress hung loosely off her frame, and she kept her nose up in the air in a way that came off as simultaniously snooty and like she had a legitimate sinus problem.

"Right this way, gentlemen, if you don't mind." she said, completely ignoring James's and mine's linked hands. Guess the good thing about California is that no one seems to give a shit about how gay you are.

The woman, who didn't have a nametag and didn't bother to introduce herself at all, lead us through about seventeen different suits before James stopped her at one. "That one." he said, pointing that the blue outfit that clung to my body tighter than most skinny jeans I owned. "Sized up a bit of course."

The woman nodded and then quickly shooed us off into a larger fitting room. She took a bunch of measurements, asked James some vague questions, and then returned with my clothes- neatly folded- and informed us that she would be back with the suit in my size.

"That didn't take nearly as long as it normally would for me." James said, relaxing in his seat. "But that might be because she's in a hurry today, what with everything closing early for Thanksgiving and shit."

"Yeah, I'm surprised they were even open." I said, buttoning up my shirt.

"Hm, most places around here don't close because they can't a_fford _to close." James studied his nails. "Places like this only get business from a select few people, so they're open for anyone who needs them to be open. Enter Brooke Diamond." James picked at some dry skin on his knuckle.

The woman returned before I could answer James, and handed me a box. "Have a nice day." she said, sounding mildly pained for no reason.

"You, too." I replied, and she scurried off, only to be replace by Brooke.

"She showed me it while I payed- it's going to look lovely on you, just fantastic!" Brooke's chipper persona was beginning to wear thin. "We don't really have time to stop for food, maybe another time." Brooke gently shoved us out of the dressing room and out of the mall entirely.

We drove home in a similar condition to what we had driven there in, nearly five hours before. My stomach was beginning to growl from lack of breakfast and lunch, and I couldn't wait to get back to James's place and eat something.

Too bad the minute we got home we were greated by about 20 decorators, all setting up for Brooke's Thanksgiving soiree. James pushed me through the hustle and bustle to his room, where he shut and locked the door quickly behind him.

"I have some cheetos in my closet." James said, heading inside to grab them.

"How did you-"

"I could hear your stomach growling all the way in the front seat. Don't worry, my mom was busy making conversation to notice." James reappeared with an unopened bag of curly cheetos and handed them to me. "Not really real food, but it'll hold you over until six."

I ripped the bag open and began devouring them, watching James begin to strip. "I don't care what you do, but I'm not keeping this on until six." James said, unbuttoning his pants and pulling them off before sliding into some sweats.

I was too preoccupied with cheetos to think of anything perverted, sorry to disappoint.

By the time six rolled around, James and I reported back downstairs to help Brooke greet guests. I had practiced my lines: "I'm Kendall Knight; I'm Brooke's son's boyfriend; I'm from Dover, Minnesota; no, neither of my parents own any type of business; my mother works in healthcare; I met James at the Palm Woods; I'm a music major; alright, you have a nice night!"

The party went well for the first hour or so. The prententiousness of every hoity-toity asshole in the building was overwhelming, but I had gotten to eat and drink a shitload of wine, so I felt perfectly fine.

It was at about 9 that things started to go downhill.

James grabbed me and pulled me to the side, whispered in my ear "Meet me upstairs in 15", and then disappeared up the stairs as soon as no one was looking.

By the time I got up there, James didn't even bother waiting until we were in his room until he grabbed me and pressed his lips against mine.

"I am so horny right now." James moaned against my neck.

"You are so drunk right now." I replied, gently pushing him away.

"Kendall, please..." James moaned, pressing himself against me.

"James... You know I don't want to..." I gently pushed him away again.

"Please, baby, you don't know what that fucking suit does to me-" James pleaded.

"No, no, I'm not doing that, I'm not- I'm not ready." Tears were already starting to well up in my eyes.

James, noticing my shift in tone, backed off, and took to sitting at the end of his bed.

"I'm sorry." He said after noticing me wipe away the tears in my eyes.

"It's-it's fine, James, I'm just a baby." I stammered.

"No, it's not fine, there were boundaries, and I pushed them, and I made you cry No-no means no, I know that." James shook his head. "C'mere." he opened his arms up, beckoning me forward.

I slid over to him, and he attempted to undo the buttons on my jacket. I gently pushed his hands away and undid them myself, along with the button down. He helped me shrug out of the undershirt.

"What're we doing." I slurred, feeling very heavy and drunk after my long day and my excess wine intake.

"We're not going back down _there,_ that's for fuckin' sure." James said. "We're gonna put on some fuckin' sweatpants-"

"Mhmm." I punctuated, unbuttoning his jacket.

"Then we're gonna turn on the TV-"

"Yeah?" I removed his jacket and got to work on his button down, my fingers faltering slightly.

"Then we're gonna get under the blankets- with the cheetos-" he reached down and picked up the half-empty bag of cheetos.

"Oh yeah." I teased as he shrugged off his jacket.

"And then I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you while we make fun of _Say Yes to the Dress_ like we do every time we get drunk." James finished, pulling his undershirt off.

"Talk dirty to me, baby." I giggled, attempting to unbutton my pants before just yanking them down. I picked up a pair of sweats off the floor from that morning and pulled them back on and flung myself onto the bed. James followed my lead and cut the TV on.

By the time the guests downstairs were in heated (read- loud and drunk) debate over which fashion empire would be the next Chanel, James and I were passed out.

* * *

**Wow this wound up longer than I thought.**

**Oh well, extra long chapter for you guys, then.**

**Next time, James's dad enters the picture.**


	10. Don't Come Home for Christmas

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've had some mental health issues, among other things, over the past month, and just haven't felt much like writing.**

**Either way, thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it.**

* * *

The next morning, I woke up with a severe hangover.

I sat up and looked around. James was gone, save for his pajamas piled on the floor next to the nightstand. The door to his bathroom was wide open, signaling he wasn't in the shower. The door to the bedroom was cracked, allowing me a slight view of the plush carpeted floors beyond the bedroom. I forced myself out of bed, deciding it would be best to go find myself an advil and some water before inevitably passing back out again.

I headed downstairs, slipping past Brooke's office, where I heard some shouted business talk through the closed door. Once I reached the kitchen, I checked the time on the microwave, I'd somehow managed to sleep in until one-thirty in the afternoon.

James had left me an unopened bottle of orange juice and a slice of cold pizza from Wednesday on a plate on the island, along with a note.

_Sorry, some family stuff came up and I had to leave this morning. Go ahead and just go back to bed, Mom's going to bed working all day, plus you probably have a hangover. Good luck with that, btw (: _

I rolled my eyes at his "humor" and kept reading.

_I should be back sometime before 2-3 pm, see you then. -James_

I crumpled up the note and shoved it into my pocket, before carrying my food back up to James's room. I dug around in his bathroom until I found a bottle of advil, which I quickly dumped a dose out of and downed them dry.

After crawling back into bed, I finished off the pizza and drank a few sips of juice before I felt to shitty to even keep my eyes open. I then fell into that weird limbo where you're asleep but you're not; then you start having, like, seven dreams at once, and they all just melt into a hot, uncomfortable sea of confusion.

James shook me awake sometime later, yelling my name in my ear.

"What? What?" I moaned, rolling over.

"Don't you want to hear about my day?" James teased, painfully aware of my hangover. "Slide over, I feel like crap, too."

I scootched over to one side of the bed and allowed James room to lay down on top of the duvet. "What were you doing?" I asked into the pillow.

I felt James shrug. "My dad showed up demanding he see me."

"Oh." I rolled over, looking at the side of his head. James kept his eyes locked on the ceiling.

"Yeah, he... Um, decided that he was an inadequate father who needed a more 'potent' role in my life but..." James trailed off.

"But..?" I echoed.

"I... He wants me to stay with him for Christmas." James blurted.

"But I thought you were staying with us?" I asked, confused.

"I am, and I told him I had plans, but..." James fell silent again.

"...You want to spend time with him, don't you?" I finished.

"Yeah, kinda, but I also want to spend Christmas with you... but since Minnesota's so far off and plane tickets are expensive, there's no real way for me to do both..." James sighed, sitting up and hugging his knees.

"James..." I said softly. I wanted to understand him, but honestly, I felt kind of pissed. Unrightfully so, granted, but still pissed nontheless. Was Christmas with my family not important to both of us? "What did you tell him?" I finally said.

"...I told him I'd let him know what I was doing Sunday." James said. "I... I need to think about this, Kendall. Imagine, if your dad came back to life and wanted to spend Christmas with you..."

"That would be totally different and you know it." I said. I still tryed to cling to sympathy, but honestly, I was getting really heated now.

"Is it really, Kendall? My dad's been basically dead to me since the moment he walked out on me and my mom. Now he's willing to try again. Maybe it's too late for me to have a father throughout childhood, but it's not too late for me to fix things with my dad." James looked me dead in the eyes.

I didn't know what to say. My blood was still boiling, but I was beginning to see how he felt. "Fine, think about it. I don't want to be mad at you while we're on break." I finally said, rolling over and facing away from James.

"Okay." James said, laying down above the covers and facing away from me.

We managed to make it through the rest of the weekend without starting up an argument, although I could tell James was having a lot of inner turmoil on the subject. On Saturday, he actually decided to take me around the neighborhood he grew up in, and out to his old high school. We made a lot of small talk, discussing empty nothings that wouldn't bring up anything too conflicting or challenging while we were trying to have an enjoyable break.

We drove around like that for a couple of hours before we headed down to the pier and hung out there for a while before heading back to his place for dinner. It was kind of nice, really. It didn't feel like we were forcing anything, just treading very lightly on our usual fair.

Sunday went smoothly as well, as did Monday on our drive back to school. I hadn't heard James say anything about his dad or their arrangements for Christmas break, so I figured he'd just gone ahead with what we'd already planned. I was feeling pretty pleased with how everything turned out until-

"I told my dad I was staying with him for Christmas."

* * *

**Yeah, sorry this was short, but hey, at least we've got shit going on now.**

**I'll update sooner, I promise. I've just had a lot going on right now. But, the holidays are coming up, which means break, so I'll have time off to write then.**


	11. We Don't Fight Fair

**LOCAL GIRL FALLS OFF FACE OF THE EARTH AND LIVES TO TELL THE TALE.**

**I meant to update this like, three weeks ago when whoops suddenly it's almost December. **

**Yeah, every time writing almost happens, life decides to bite me in the ass. But whatevs.**

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

"You're what?" I asked, my head almost doing a complete 180 to face him.

"It's not that I wouldn't love to drive around with you in cold-ass Minnesota listening to shitty pop punk music for two weeks, but-"

"Okay, one, Man Overboard is _not_ 'shitty pop punk'. Blink-182 are the ones with the 'crappy pop punk' hoodie that I have, if that's what you were going for." I interrupted, waving a finger in the air. "Two, that's _not _why I want you to come home for Christmas with me, and you know that."

James just stared down at the floorboard of his car. His stupid, high-end, mommy-guilt-bought Lamborghini. I hadn't even noticed his car was a Lamborghini until just now.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that James was slipping way out of my league. I noticed that his high-end sneakers shone a lot more brightly than my dulled-down Vans that were overdue a replacement. I noticed the way he never let a single hair out of place, meanwhile my own hair often got shoved down under a beanie because I didn't feel like messing with it most days. His high-dollar colognes with names in foreign languages that I couldn't pronounce even if I tried versuses my cheap cologne that my mom bought me last year for Christmas who's name I couldn't be bothered to remember. James was one-hundred-percent pure, shiny, Hollywood plastic trash and I was broken down, dirty garbage sitting in the driveway of some lower-end suburban home in Minnesota, frozen from the overnight chill and snow. Both incredibly useless and broken, but at least I was able to face the fact that I was trash, instead of hiding it behind the layer of shiny, hard plastic that covered the boxes that the Barbie's my sister used to tear the heads off of came in.

"If you didn't want to come with me, you could have just told me." I choked out. I forced myself out of the car and rushed to the back, pulling at the trunk's release.

"Kendall," Jame said, hurrying after me, "you know I would much rather be in Minnesota with you, it's just- I need this. I need this a lot more than you need me, I think."

"Maybe you do need this." I spat, my voice full of vitriol. "Maybe you do. But I fucking want you, okay? And maybe it's selfish of me, but I want you a lot more than you _need _to stay home."

"Yeah, you know what? That is incredibly fucking selfish. You're being an awful fucking person, Kendall Knight, and you know it." James shouted. "You're doing it on purpose, because this is your defense system. Stuff goes down the shitter, you get cruel. It's this thing you do that I don't understand. Does it have to do with that guy? I don't know, and you're probably not gonna tell me." He popped the trunk and pulled his stuff out. "We'll talk about this later, when you're done being a complete brat."

"Like you have any room to talk, you spoiled rich kid from the fucking upper east side!" I yelled after him. I was talking out my ass at this point, but I didn't really care, honestly.

"The upper east side is in New York, dumbass!" He retaliated, spinning around to face me, but still walking towards the dorms.

"It was a metaphoric upper east side, jerk!" I borderline screamed as I dragged my bag out of his trunk and then slammed it shut, hoping it did some damage.

"Bitch!" James called after me, before disappearing around the corner of the dorm building.

"Dick!" I shouted, throwing my bag on the ground, but by then he was gone.

I stood in empty parking lot for half an hour, trying to cool down. I wanted to cry, but I wasn't going to let myself. I was just glad James hadn't tried to hit me or shove me, because I'm pretty sure I would have broken down had he done that.

I forced myself to walk back to the building after I was sure I wouldn't start yelling again, but my moves where slow and mechanic. By the time I got back to my empty dorm room, it had probably been an hour since we'd gotten back.

James had obviously gone somewhere that wasn't our room, because other than his unopened bag lying on his desk, there was no sign he'd evenn arrived back home from break. I tossed myself onto the bed and scrolled through my music on my phone, muttering, "They're not shitty pop punk," every time I scrolled past a Man Overboard song.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door that I didn't feel compelled to answer. I pulled my pillow over my face and moaned loudly.

"I'm guessing now's not the best time to ask how break went." Logan said as I heard the door squeak fully open.

"You're a freakin' psychic." I muttered.

Logan let out one of those heavy-breath laughs, that don't actually sound like a laugh, but serve as an acceptable filler for a full-on laugh. "What happened?"

"He's spending Christmas with his Dad." I said.

"And?" Logan inquired, sitting down on the side of my bed.

"And he's supposed to be spending that break in Minnesota. With me." I explained.

"Ah, so you're feeling rejected and hurt, obviously." Logan stated in a monotone. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I'm pretty sure he just vaguely gestured to my entire body.

"Yeah, kinda." I sighed. "And a little guilty; I kinda went postal on him when he told me."

Logan just hummed.

"You're not my psychiatrist, just so you know, so don't get cozy with this gig." I said, gently kicking his back.

Another breathy laugh. "I know; I didn't go to art school to become a psychiatrist, Kendall."

"He's so out of my league." I admitted.

"Dumbass," Logan rolled his eyes, flicking my knee, "he doesn't deserve you."

"No, he doesn't. But he's still out of my league." I said, dropping the pillow.

"Maybe, but that's just because he has money. Money he doesn't even want." Logan shrugged.

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"Just ask him when he gets back. I get the feeling you're both in for a long, awkward conversation when he get's back from his idiot walk." Logan said all-too-calmly, heading back towards the bathroom.

"You talk like you hate his guts." I muttered, amused.

"Nah, I love the guy. But he's a moron. Like, 'he-asked-me-how-to-spell-orange' moronic. But his heart's in the right place, and he's been through a lot, so, I can't say I wouldn't want to be brainless and hot if I were in his position." Logan explained. "He's honestly probably a lot smarter than he lets on, but doesn't want to be. A lot going on in that sexy brain of his."

I didn't really know how to respond to that, so I just covered my face back up with the pillow.

I don't really know how much time passed between Logan and mine's conversation and when James finally showed up, but my guess is a pretty good while, because it was light out when Logan and I were talking, and I can't really say the same for when James got back.

"I was told that you don't want to be from the metaphorical upper east side. Care to confirm?" I asked, not removing the pillow.

"Confirmed." James sighed. "Let me let you in on a little secret- no one who's rich actually wants to be rich. Like, yeah, they think they want to be rich and famous, but in reality, it just ends up destroying their relationships and lives."

"Then why do you want to be an actor?" I asked, confused.

"There's a slim chance I could be happy doing what I love." he said, staring at the floorboards. "Hollywood killed me, man. I was so happy until I realized I had a role to fill; be happy that you're allowed to go and do anything you want, and it just so happens to be music. I'm pretty much expected to stay in the spotlight somehow, or else I'm considered a detriment to my mother's life."

"Bullshit, you wouldn't be a detriment to anybody, you're flawless."

"I'm trash, to be honest."

_Called it. _I thought.

"Same." I said.

James laughed. "We honestly are messed up, aren't we?"

"I'm still pissed as hell at you." I clarified. "If you thought you were escaping my wrath."

"Write a scathing song about me, sweetheart." James encouraged sarcastically.

"Why do you act like you're dumb?" I blurted.

"Excuse me?" James asked the wall.

"I mean, you know how to make yourself sound all well-learned and uppercrusty, but then you turn around and act like you couldn't write a proper sentence." I said, rolling my shoulders to pop them. "There's got to be something behind that."

"It's an excellent marketing ploy." James admitted. "You dumb yourself down but still sound like you know what you're talking about. You can't really say much, Mr. 'Upper East Side'."

"Honestly, I just really always wanted to shout at someone like I was in some dumb New Yorker dramedy like that." I said, staring up at the bottom of the top bunk.

"I could tell." James said. He picked up a playstation controller and tossed it at me. "A round of Portal 2 co-op?" he suggested, gesturing to our TV.

I rolled my eyes. "We aren't gonna get anything solved because I'll be taking my rage out on your robot, I hope you know that."

"Yeah, I know." James said.

As we sat down for a riveting game of him trying to solve puzzles and me finding new, inventive ways to kill him, I knew we were in for a long next few weeks.

* * *

**Lord, I'm making up for the lack of drama in my real life in this fic. Fun fact: this originally started out as a dumb college AU that was just supposed to have a lot of gay and drug usage, but nope, it got intense.**

**I promise I won't wait another month to update next time. Then again, I'm kind of an unreliable person when it comes to promising things, so maybe don't take my word for it. Idk.**


	12. One Awkward Silence

**Managed to get something written in less than a month for this thing.**

**Hell yeah.**

**Thanks for the support, you guys!**

* * *

There was three weeks between Christmas and Thanksgiving breaks, two of which were consumed with finals; so my days mainly consisted of either testing, crying, studying, or putting off studying by rereading _Harry Potter _for the fifth time. James and I were still treading on eggshells around each other, not mentioning Christmas break or anything else. I was still lacking one song for my EP, and I didn't really feel like writing about James, or anything else for that matter. I wondered if I could just smack an instrumental intermission in between tracks three and four and just be done with it. It wasn't due until after the break, as the new semester actually started the week after break.

Camille had announced that she would be throwing a much smaller, far less extravagant Christmas party than her back-to-school one the night before I was supposed to ship out to Minnesota for two weeks. She was holding at her parent's house, a good twenty minutes from the school. According to her they were "old money, but pretty chill, I guess". They wouldn't be making an appearance at the party, in fact, they wouldn't even be informed of the party's happening, and if they find out, she's skinning whoever didn't help clean up alive.

We arranged for James to take Carlos, Logan, and me to the party in his car, considering his was the nicest and the one with the biggest bragging rights. I drove, since I had been elected designated driver for my sudden aversion to drinking (honestly, the desire to do so comes and goes for me, and at that point I was not interested in getting drunk and possibly breaking down crying in public).

Camille's place was decently sized. Not as big as the Diamond's mansion, but it was pretty obvious that her family did indeed have some money. Since it was still warm enough, the lights from her heated pool decorated the east side of the house as we pulled up, the water making interesting patterns on the wall.

Carlos nearly killed himself getting out of the car, excited for a night that Logan wasn't forcing him to study. Logan chased after him, shouting for him to, quote, "CALM THE FUCK DOWN, AND DON'T RUN OVER THE PIZZA GUY GODDAMNIT."

James and I stepped out of the car. The driveway was already packed full of cars, and I assumed that Camille's "small gathering" had turned into a full-out house party, considering there was a sizable group of guys standing on her balcony already half drunk and shouting homophobic slurs into the night. I'm pretty sure none of them even _knew _Camille, much less that she was the gayest fucking bisexual ever. I shrugged it off and headed inside, James following suit.

I spent the first hour of the party leaned over my plastic cup of sprite, watching a gradually increasingly drunk group of kids play just dance on Camille's wii. Camille was currently reigning champ, having beaten the past 13 people she'd played since I'd staked out my spot in a gaming chair at the corner of the living room.

"Having fun?" a voice asked from above. Jo, wearing a sparkly, navy dress and a sweater with little white bows on it sat down on the floor next to me, holding a plastic cup full of coke.

"I guess." I sighed. "Not drinking tonight either?"

"I swore off drinking after high school. It was never really my thing, though." Jo informed me, taking a swig of coke.

I nodded. "The urge comes and goes for me. In high school I really only drank at Christmas time when my mom would pick up some nice wine and would let the kids have a small glass with dinner." I told her.

"How have you and James been?" Jo edged. I could sense the tension in her voice.

"We've been... okay." I said. "Not tried to kill each other."

"You stil pissed?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't really matter." I sighed. "He's gonna go to his dad's, find out his dad's probably not worth his time, and then not tell me he feels bad because he bottles up his emotions like an asshole."

Jo laughed. "He does bottle his emotions up like an asshole."

"Wait, how did you even know we got into a fight?"

"Logan told me."

"That gossiping bastard."

Jo snorted into her drink. "He only told me and Camille, don't worry, our lips are sealed." She looked up. "Speak of the devi."

Camille plopped herself down on the other side of Jo, her ugly Rudolph sweater's lightbulb nose twinkling in the light of the TV. "I lost to Jett." she announced.

"Why did you invite him? He's a total douchecanoe." Jo asked, taking Camille's cup of mystery alcohol from her before she could spill it all over herself.

"I didn't, he just shows up. You know this." Camille informed her in an insulted tone of voice. "I was getting tired anyways." she added.

"You're awfully dressed up." I said to Jo, changing the subject.

"Well, I told my mother that we were going on a date. Her parties are pretty infamous, you know." Jo explained. "I was gonna just borrow some of Camille's clothes, but she had a shitton of guys on her balcony yelling and getting drunk, and then she tried to shove me into one of her ugly ass Christmas sweaters. I opted out for the dress."

I nodded understandingly. "I would have figured guys seeing you naked wouldn't have bothered you, seeing as how you're a lesbian."

"Exactly. I'm a hot lesbian. Every horny, drunk, straight guy's fantasy." Jo said pointedly.

"True." I agreed.

Camille leaned on Jo's shoulder. "I'm huuungry!" she whined.

"I'll go get you some pizza." Jo said, shaking her off and standing up. "Be back in a minute."

As soon as Jo rounded the corner into the hall, Camille sat straight up and leaned over into my lap. "So, what's the deal with you and James? Jo told me that Logan told her that you two were in a fight." she borderline shouted.

"He's making poor life choices, is all." I said, taking a sip of my drink.

"What kiiind of poor life choices? Details Kendall, _DEEETAAAAIIILS!" _she yelled in my ear, shaking me back and forth.

"Okay, okay! He's staying with his dad for the break, but he'd already promised me that he was going to come and stay with me in Minnesota." I told her.

"Dick move. Plus I'm pretty sure his dad's a porn star." Camille leaned back over to her spot, before Jo sat down with a box of pizza.

"No, no, no. _Jett'_s dad was the porn star. That's how his parents met." Jo corrected, flipping open the box. "I just grabbed the whole thing, a bunch of guys were smoking in the kitchen and I can't handle that shit." she explained.

"Bro." Camille deadpanned, unamused. "Cigarettes or weed?"

"Cigarettes." Jo said, pulling a piece of pizza from the box and offering it to me. I took it gladly.

"No fuckin' way." Camille jumped up and ran off to the kitchen, calling: "HEY, ASSHOLES. IF YOU'RE GONNA SMOKE CANCER STICKS, GO OUTSIDE! COMMON COURTESY, DO YOU HAVE ANY?"

"Does it matter?" I asked.

"Yeah, man. Pretty sure the worst thing weed every did to anyone was make them really hungry." Jo expained. "Tobacco's just bad for everybody involved. Also it smells awful."

I nodded. Couldn't argue with that.

When Camille came back, she grabbed a slice from the box in Jo's lap and wordlessly ran off to rejoin her game of Just Dance. Jo leaned back against the wall and sighed contentedly. "God, I love her."

"You two are like, polar opposites." I said. "The wild, crazy party girl and nice, sweet, sensible girl, together."

Jo let out a breathy laugh. "It's kind of weird, I know. But, I'm like the straight man to her madness. It keeps us entertained." She paused. "But it's the same with you and James, though. He's this super flirty extrovert without a lot going on up there and you're just this down to earth hipster type who just wants to write music. And yet it works."

"Yeah, I guess." I said, staring at my feet.

"I'll be right back." I finally said, standing up and stretching. "Watch my seat for me?"

Jo slipped into the chair and nodded, knowing what I needed to do.

I found James at the pool, sitting with his jeans rolled up to his knees and his feet in the water.

I sat down cross-legged next to him, not saying anything. "So, uh, we need to talk."

"Yeah." James said, staring at the water. A few brave souls were in, slunk down beneath the water up to their necks to keep in the heated water.

"I'm okay with you going to your dad's." I blurted. "I'm sick of stressing over it, sick of not talking about it, and sick of being afraid of mentioning anything to you."

James just nodded.

"It's our last night together. I just, I don't want to be thinking about it and worrying about it while we're not together." I said.

James nodded again, this time with more noticable force behind it.

"Good... I'm gonna go back inside now." I said, standing. James grabbed my leg.

"I don't know the first thing about pop punk." he admitted.

I snorted. "I know."

I headed back inside, taking my seat back from Jo. I pulled my phone out and pulled up the link I needed to send to James with the attatched message,_H__ere's your winter break assignment. Test first thing when you get back.__  
_

The rest of the night was almost relaxing. I enjoyed the general banter with Jo and Camille, and by the time Camille was on her fifth drink, she was a riot. The only incident we had was when Camille nearly beat the shit out of a guy for calling her a "dyke" and then proceeded to kiss Jo forcefully on the mouth.

Logan and I herded the drunker half of our party into the car at a quarter 'til three in the morning. We drove back home, narrowly escaping ruining James's seats with Carlos's puke, before managing to get back to the Palm Woods in one piece. Ill and searching for gum in the glove compartment, but in one piece.

I took a shower and spent the rest of the night 'till dawn writing the last song for my EP. As I finished it, I scribbled the title at the top of the page and started packing.

_The Ballad of James Diamond: How I Learned from a Lesbian how to Love a Person's Flaws._

* * *

**The link Kendall sent James is the playlist called "the best punk songs ever" on 8tracks**

**I'd attatch a link but you know, fanfiction won't let you do that.**

**Because it's an asshole.**


	13. Merry Christmas, I Could Care Less

**So, I basically just accidentally deleted, like, the entire chapter, so that's great.**

**Either way, I kind of intentionally put this off so I could upload this closer to Christmas, since this is the big Christmas chapter. Plus, I had a lot of school stuff going on, including writing my term paper for English, so yeah.**

**Hope you guys enjoy, and thanks for all the kind reviews you guys leave me!**

* * *

I woke up the next morning before James was awake. I left him a note on his phone saying goodbye, and slipped out of the room to head to the airport. I felt kind of bad, considering he's my boyfriend and all, but he wouldn't have wanted me to wake him up anyways.

The plane ride was boring at best, aggravating at worst. The little girl sitting next to me wouldn't sit still and seemed bent on antagonizing the couple sitting in front of us. Her mother didn't seem to care about anything other than the game she was playing on her iPad, only pausing once in my memory to tell her daughter to quiet down, and even then it was only a perfunctory command. By the time the plane landed, I wasn't kissing the ground or anything, but I was definitely not taking my time in leaving.

I stood around in the bustling airport for a few minutes, waiting for my mother and sister. After a while, I started to get worried, and even began considering calling them until-

_BAM! _Suddenly, my sister attacked me from behind, effectively knocking me to the ground. "BIG BROTHER!" she shouted excitedly.

"Ugh, Katie!" I laughed, trying to escape her grasp. "I get it, you're glad to see me!"

"Mom's been worried about you, but I knew you'd be fine. You're a total softie, but you don't look like it, so no one wants to mess with you." Katie rambled as Mom force her off of me.

"Weren't you the one who said he'd get 'his butt kicked the first day he was there'?" My mom laughed.

"No, I said he'd get his _ass _kicked at a _regular college,_ but since he went to his fancy-pants art school, he'd be fine." Katie corrected her.

My mom rolled her eyes at her language, but didn't bother saying anything. She was a 27 year old trapped inside a 14 year old's body, there was no real point in correcting her.

"So, how's school been?" she asks once I've managed to get up and gather my bearings.

"Good." I say, nodding. "I'll tell you more later."

Mom nods fervently and hands me my bags. "It's late, we ought to get going. Big day tomorrow, eh?"

My family basically has three Christmases. One with my elderly grandparents on my Dad's side at their place on the 23rd, tomorrow, because it was difficult for them to get out of the house in the cold weather. It's just us five, and it's usually my favorite, because no one ends up with a broken leg. The reason it's just us five is because my Dad's sister and my mom have never gotten on very well.

Then, on Christmas Eve, we had our Christmas, just the three of us, and whenever I've got one, my boyfriend. Finally, on actual Christmas, all the remainder able-bodied family from both Mom's and Dad's sides of the family get together and have a gigantic Christmas party with food and presents. It's crazy and hectic, but I really enjoy it. For all the batshit craziness of my family, I can't help but love them. I'm grateful to have accepting, loving family, even if they do show it in a weird way.

By the time we got home, it was after midnight, and I was dead tired from the flight. I attempted to sleep, but it evaded me. I thought about James and considered texting him, since he's two hours behind me and it was only around 10 for him, but I decided against it, since he was probably already at his dad's.

I attempted to text Logan, but he only shot me back:

_Text me tomorrow, Carlos and my family are playing Mario Kart and things are gonna get pretty ugly if I can't intercede._

I let out a quiet laugh at the text, imagining Carlos going crazy over Mario Kart. In a way, my friends from school were like my family: batshit crazy, but still loving and accepting.

I abandoned my phone, deciding not to even bother with Camille or Jo, considering they were probably still asleep from Camille's party. I could hardly believe that it had only been 24 hours ago, and not a million years.

I eventually pulled my hoodie up over my face and forced myself to go to sleep, trying not to think too hard about anything challenging in order to shut my brain up.

The next day went by smoothly. Katie and I played video games until we went over to my grandparents. They were very eager to hear about James, along with all my other friends. They, like my father, were extremely supportive of gay rights, and I have always felt ridiculously lucky for that.

"Is he coming up for the holidays?" my grandma asked me as we ate.

"Nah, he's spending Christmas with his estranged father." Katie answers for me.

"Katie!" I hissed.

"It's true." she shrugged, shoveling more mashed potatos into her mouth.

"He's spending break with his dad, he really wants to spend more time with him." I rephrase Katie's sentence.

My grandparents just nod understandingly, and the subject of James is dropped for the rest of the night.

The next day, I attempted texting James, but he didn't answer. I assumed he was off doing stuff with his dad, and I had gotten to where I couldn't blame him. We worked in a weird way, like Jo had said, and I trusted his judgement, even if it wasn't the same as mine.

Although, since James wasn't answering, I did get into a long conversation with Jo about how sharks are actually not awful, murderous creatures, according to a drunk Camille. (It was only Christmas Eve and Camille was already daydrinking. I could only barely keep myself from slamming my palm against my forehead.)

By the time my family's Christmas dinner rolled around, I was worried about James. I'd texted him again twice throughout the day, hoping to get a response, but I never did get one.

Halfway through the meal, the doorbell rang.

"Go get it, Kendall." My mom said, putting more chicken onto her plate.

I nodded and went into the living room, standing in front of the door. I slowly opened it and-

"Merry Christmas, I ditched my dad."

James.

I stood there, my mouth hung open in shock. He was wearing a parka about a size too small, making it obvious it wasn't something he wore often. He shivered on the doorstep, staring at me expectantly.

"Mind letting me in, sweetheart? It's cold as balls out here."

My brain finally caught up, and I flung myself into his arms. James stumbled, but didn't fall.

We stood there, wrapped up in each other, for a while. I lost track of time, hearing my heart pound in my ears.

"You came." Was all I managed to spit out in a hoarse voice.

"Who is it, Kendall?" Katie called, coming into the living room.

She froze behind me, and I turned around. She wore an obviously confused look on her face, and I could practically see the gears turning in her head.

"Who's the guy?" she finally spat out.

"Uh... Katie, this is James. My... boyfriend." The words sat weird on my tongue. I then realized I'd never had to introduce James to anyone before, at least not like this.

"So you're the bastard who blew my brother off." Katie said, crossing her arms, unimpressed. "Well at least you're hot."

"Katie!" I yelled, turning red.

"No, no. She's right. I am hot." James said, nodding.

Katie smirked. "I don't know you yet, but I think I like you, James."

James laughed. "Glad to hear it."

"Did you have any troubles finding the place?" Mom asked, suddenly appearing behind Katie.

"Mom, you knew about this?" I asked.

"He called this morning, saying there was a change of plans and asking if it was alright if he came on up a day late. I wanted it to be a surprise." she said.

"Kendall told me how good looking you are. Wasn't lying." Katie backtracked.

"If you're developing a crush on my boyfriend-" I began.

"No, I'm not, I'm just saying. I can admire the human aesthetic, even if I'm ace." she clarifies.

"Since when did you come out as ace?" I asked.

"A few months ago, right after you left." she shrugged. "Either way, Mom's officially stuck with adopted grandchildren."

"You hungry, James?" Mom asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, yes please." James said, stepping inside.

"Come on in and get warmed up, we've got plenty of food." Mom called, heading back into the kitchen.

My heart leapt into my throat as I closed the door behind us and headed into the kitchen. I was finally getting the Christmas I wanted.

* * *

**Sorry for the wait, but it was kind of intentional, so you can partially blame me for it.**

**Anyways, Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it, and if it's still Christmas in your time zone and you haven't opened gifts yet, I hope you get something great! If you don't celebrate it, have a happy holiday season and buy yourself something nice, because you deserve it.**


	14. I Want These Words To Make Things Right

**So, I literally came back from the dead.**

**I wrote the first half of this chapter in February. As of right now, it's the day before Easter where I'm at.**

**I wish I had a valid excuse like school or mental illness or extenuating circumstances but I got nothing. **

**I'm probably gonna start winding down this story soon because I don't want to abandon it but yet I don't really want to write for it anymore? Idk man. I promise you guys will get some kind of ending though, so don't worry.**

**Sorry for the wait. Maybe this chapter will be long enough to make up for it? Probably not oh well.**

**Also the opinions expressed by both Katie and James in this fic are not mine. I think Supernatural is a fine show, with some very flawed elements that personally kind of ruin it for me, namely a large chunk of it's fanbase. But I still like it and while I'm like 10 episodes behind atm I'd consider myself a "fan".**

* * *

James seemed to fit right in with my family. Katie and he got along very well and my mom seemed to be pretty fond of him already. I was greatly relieved by this.

Later that night, though, as I was helping him unpack before opening presents, his sunny mood seemed to dissipate.

"I'm sorry to just have showed up without warning." James sighed, opening up his suitcase and pulling out a plastic bag full of wrapped presents. "I understand that you're probably massively pissed at me right now."

"Why would I be?" I asked, slightly shocked. "I got what I wanted, didn't I? You're here now, that's all that matters."

James just nodded halfheartedly. "Let's head back downstairs." he suggests, slinging his plastic bag over his shoulder and smiling at me.

Despite feeling a bit suspicious towards his sudden change in character, I agree and we head back down to my family.

By the time we're all sat around the tree, opening presents, James is back to his normal self, joking around and flashing his megawatt smile. He gifts my mom a nice but understated jewlery set that she can wear to work without it getting in the way ("Oh my gosh, James, this is perfect! Thank you!"); Katie gets some high end editing software and some new, high-dollar headphones ("Holy shit, are you some kind of psychic? I've been wanting these for forever! Fuckin' thanks, man! You're officially my new older brother.").

"I didn't forget about you, man." James said, handing me a heavy package. I can tell he wrapped this one himself because it's a little dented up and has tape in weird places. I tear into it to find-

"You got me a record player." I say, eyes widening.

"You were saying you wanted one a while back." James shrugs. "Look under it, I got you some vinyls to go with it."

"Th-these are perfect, James, thank you!" I stammer, almost comedically biting back tears. All five vinyls he got me were from bands on the playlist I'd sent him.

"I pay attention when you go on about your bands, Kendall." James's voice is warm, but his eyes are pleading: _Please forgive me for almost ditching you for my deadbeat dad._

I don't answer, but I do throw my arms around his neck and hang there for a good two minutes before Katie starts wolf-whistling at us.

_I don't care what you _almost _did, I care that you're here right now._

We talk well into the night, watching the snow pile up on the windowsills. James tells Mom and Katie about Logan and Carlos and Camille and Jo. He manages to weave wild parties into something wholesome enough that my mom doesn't even bat an eye. Katie is intensely interested in Carlos's escapades.

"So, you're saying he smokes pot?" Katie asked bluntly.

"Yeah, but not often." James explained. "It's legal out in Cali, so it's not really a big deal."

"Jealous." Katie grumbled, crossing her arms. "I've heard it's great."

Mom rolled her eyes. "You're fourteen, all drugs sound great to you because you haven't done them yet."

James shrugs. "I've accidentally eaten a weed brownie before. It wasn't an awful experience, I guess."

"See? 'Not an awful experience'." Katie said pointedly.

"Well, next time you're an adult and in California, you can try it." Mom said, rolling her eyes.

"I think I'm gonna head to bed, it's getting late." I announced, standing up and heading towards the stairs.

"Goodnight!" Katie and Mom called.

"I'll be up in a bit!" James added. I nodded and climbed the stairs to my room.

Once I was sprawled out on my bed, I could finally feel an emotion other than a jumble of pleasure. I was glad James was there, but also a little worried, considering he obviously still felt guilty. I decided to talk to him about it when he got upstairs and checked my phone. I had some "Merry Christmas" messages from Logan and Jo, but nothing other than that. At that moment, I became incredibly aware of how used I was to having someone to talk to constantly.

I listened to the faint pitter-patter of snow hitting the window for at least an hour and was beginning to doze off when the door opened. I opened my eyes and watched James cross the room in the dark and begin to dig around for pajamas.

"What kind of embarrassing things did my family say about me?" I asked, breaking our silence. James jumped.

"Oh, you're awake." James said, a weirdly nervous tone to his voice. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Nah, I hadn't fallen asleep yet." I said. "Why are you acting all jumpy?"

"I guess I still feel kinda... guilty. Towards both you and my dad." James confessed, rubbing the back of his head.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Basically I show up, he's drunk out of his mind, we get in a big argument over my future and how I'll probably end up with a sex tape and also a drug addict. Also insults about my quote-unquote 'made up sexuality', so there's that, too." James explained casually, like he was complaining about the fucking weather. "So I booked the first flight to Minnesota I could get, called your mom and explained what went down, and now I'm here."

"Why do you feel guilty towards your dad? Surely you, the world's most confident pansexual, aren't embarrassed of your sexuality." I said.

"It's more that I feel bad that I believed he'd actually do anything good for me." James admitted, sitting down on the foot of the bed.

"It'll be okay, James." I tried to comfort him.

"Slide over, I'm cold as fuck." James just says, shooing me to the other side of the bed. I slide over and curl up around him.

"I'm sorry your dad is awful." I said.

"It's not your fault." James sighed, leaning up and pecking me cautiously on the lips. "I just want to go the fuck to sleep, gonna be real."

"Goodnight, then." I said, burrying my fingers in his dark hair and playing with it.

"Goodnight." James sniggered, curling closer to me and allowing himself to fall asleep.

The next morning brought a surprising amount of sunlight. James was awake long before I was, and I found him and Katie going back and forth about some TV show.

"But Dean is a total _asshole." _Katie argued, slamming her mug of coffee down on the table, ignoring my Mom's cries to be careful as hot liquid spilled all over the wooden tabletop.

"But he's so hot. Both of the Winchesters are." James whined back, shoveling a spoonful of cereal in his mouth midway through his sentence.

"What are you two talking about?" I asked, walking over to the freezer and pulling out the box of frozen waffles.

"_Supernatural_." they told me simultaneously.

"I thought you said you hated that show." I said to Katie, who was moodily pushing some fruit around on her plate.

"I do." she said plaintively.

"Then why do you still watch it?" I asked, shoving my waffles into the toaster.

"Because I love it. It spits in the face of everything quality in television but I _love it._" Katie said, as if she were in immense pain.

"The main characters. They're all so hot. Also at one point, like, six seasons ago, the show was actually kinda scary." James explained when I turned to him for his reasoning on why the show was worth discussion.

"It's ten seasons of hell and I want at least four more." Katie said, visibly disgruntled.

I was about to say something before the toaster dings, signifying that my waffles are done. I gingerly pick them up before slamming them in the microwave and setting it for a minute thirty.

"I don't like it when they get too brown." I said defensively when James cocked an eyebrow at me.

James and Katie went back and forth about the merits of Supernatural while we ate. Something about it was so... Domestic. I kind of started to fall in love with it.

After breakfast, I pulled James to the side. "Do you maybe wanna go drive around? I mean, we've got some time before people start showing up, and if you want to talk in private, it'd be best to get out of the house to do it."

James shrugged. "Sounds fine to me, I guess."

We dressed up in a random assortment of winter clothes, James borrowing one of my cousin's old coats that was too small for him and too big for me. It fit James just fine, though. Better than the one he'd been wearing when he showed up, that is.

We drove around in my mom's car, listening to Christmas music that we both fully admitted that we hated multiple times, but yet never changed the station.

"How's the last song on your EP coming?" James asked.

"Okay. I'm having to change the title, though." I said, coming to a stop at an empty intersection.

"What's it's working title?" James pressed a bit, obviously wanting to know how much of it pertained to him.

"I'm An Asshole: The James Diamond Experience." I teased, gently nudging him in the side.

"Come on." James laughed, shaking his head. "What is it really?"

"The Ballad of James Diamond: How I Learned From a Lesbian to Love a Person's Flaws." I said, laughing at my own sleep-muddled writing skills. "I thought about shortening it to 'the Ballad of James Diamond', but it's not really a ballad, to be honest."

"Can I read the lyrics?" he asked. "Maybe I could help you come up with a title for it."

"I still need to work on them." I said. "I'll play the song for you when I clean them up a little, okay?"

James nodded. "Sounds like a plan."

We drove for another twenty minutes in complete silence, save for the radio, which we had switched to another station playing even more of the same four Christmas songs.

"Kendall, where are we going?" James asked finally.

"There's someone I want to introduce you to before tonight." I said simply.

James nodded cautiously, turning his head to watch the newest snow flurries fly into the windshield.

We finally came to a stop in front of a pair of uncomfortably familiar wrought iron gates.

I half expected James to say something. But he didn't. He silently let me drag him along by his hand through the gates, past the uniform rows of marbled markers, and up to a specific one marked with "Knight".

"I can't fucking do it, Kendall." he suddenly blurted, dropping my hand. "I'm a selfish brat, okay? I can't do this." He covered his mouth with his hand, obviously fighting back tears.

"James." I said softly. I turned around and walked over to him, pulling his hands away from his mouth. The snow was falling harder now, catching in the dark fabric of his jacket and gloves, as well as beginning to pepper his hair. "My dad would have loved you. I've said it before. He would have."

Tears were streaming down his face now, but he attempted to pull himself together.

I gave him a comforting smile and squeezed his hands before turning away and kneeling down to be level with the tombstone. "Hey, Dad." I said, my voice barely a whisper. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

I hadn't come to my Dad's grave site in years, much less talked to it. But Mom and Katie had come out and spent time with it a lot, so I figured it was time I finally paid my dues.

"I miss you a lot, you know. I'm doing that thing you always told me to not do, that whole music career thing. But, I promise, it'll work out." I stumbled over my words some, trying to get to the point. "Uh, I brought my boyfriend here with me. His name is James Diamond, and I think he's one of the best things that's happened to me.

"I know you would've like him a lot. He's kind of an airhead, but I think he's mostly harmless." I smiled a little, feeling a lot less awkward now that I'd brought up what I'd come here to talk about. I think if James weren't still crying his eyes out behind me, he might have responded to my teasing.

"I miss you a lot. I promise I won't keep neglecting to come out and see you anymore." I turned around and looked at James expectantly.

"Uh- Merry Chirstmas, Mr. Knght. You did a good job on this one." James stammered, clapping his hand down on my head. "I'll take good care of him. Sir."

We sat there like that for a good long while, just trying to fully grasp reality, almost. Eventually, I just wordlessly took James's hand and led him back to the car.

We didn't speak again until we were sitting in an empty McDonald's, the only place open around here on Christamas.

"Thank you, Kendall." James said softly as he dipped a fry into his milkshake. "For making me do that. I don't know why, but somehow doing that helped to kind of soothe my guilt about my own father."

I just smiled and dipped one of my own fries into his milkshake.

After we finished, we sat in the car, listening to the overplayed Christmas music and watching the snow fall and pile up on the cracked pavement. I don't know how long we sat there, or how many times James kissed me, but I think that moment was probably- no, _definitely- _one of the best in my life.

* * *

**This took forever to type because my compute is a little bitch that barely works.**

**I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter, buuuut what are you gonna do. I felt bad for not updating.**

**Thanks for reading and putting up with my "I didn't post for four months" bullshit. **


	15. Every Song's About You

**hAHA no yeah I meant to update ages ago tbh.**

**I like, just got super distracted by life and finals season and other stuff. Also I completely lost inspiration to write ANYTHING for like three weeks (this including other projects I'm working on) right after I last updated. So it was like BAM writers block, BAM finals season, BAM another writers block.**

**Anyways, thank you all for your kind feedback on the last chapter, although it still feels rushed and kind of weird to me.**

* * *

The rest of break went off without a hitch. James took to my family incredibly well, to the point that he and a couple of my cousins teamed up on me to throw me into a giant snowbank during our Christmas party.

It was around New Years when James asked about the song again.

"Oh, uh, I'm done with it, I think." I said. "The lyrics are shit, honestly, because I felt too scared to actually write about all that deeply personal BS, but it's got a pretty catchy hook, I guess."

"Well?" James watched me expectantly.

"Well what?" I asked.

"Well are you gonna play it for me or not, dumbass?" James teased.

"Oh, sure." I said, suddenly feeling scatterbrained. I was never fond of performing in front of other people, but James doesn't really count as 'other people,' I guess.

I reached over beside the bed and picked up my old guitar. It was horribly out of tune and had strings that were badly in need of replacement, but I'd left my other guitar at school, so it'd have to do for now.

I cleared my throat and started off:

"_Gonna be real,  
you're kind of an asshole  
and it pisses me off  
whenever you forget to call  
and I could never tell if either one of use  
were worth all the trouble  
until..._

_She told me how you worried  
about my issues every night  
and how you'd babble on about me  
like we're still in junior high  
and how pretty my laugh was  
when we talked until the sunrise_

_You're incredibly gay  
__like literally, it's not an insult  
since we're both really that way  
__and we'll put each other through a lot of shit  
__especially when we start crying over our pissy problems  
__but call us hypocrites  
__because crying about our luck is our thing  
__and I really appreciate the effort  
__that you put into me_

_Like __how you worried  
__about my issues every night  
__and how you'd babble on about me  
__like we're still in junior high  
__and how pretty my laugh way  
__when we talked until the sunrise"_

I played through a little instrumental break, not breaking eye contact with a shoe lying on the ground behind James. I was not even looking at James until the song was over.

"_She told me how you worried  
__about my issues every night  
__and how you'd babble on about me  
__like we're still in junior high  
__and how pretty my laugh was  
__when we talked until the sunrise."_

"So?" I asked, finally looking at James. There was this weird smile on his face, like a cross between proud and trying not to laugh.

"I expected nothing less of you, sweetheart." is all he said.

"You said you were gonna suggest titles?" I said, looking at him expectantly.

"You mentioned the whole gay thing... how about GINASFS? Like the Fall Out Boy song."

"I'd probably get sued for that." I said plaintively.

"I don't know, just pick a random word in the chorus." James shrugged.

"I still like one of the working titles... _James Diamond is a Colossal Prick._" I joked.

"Oh shut up." James laughed, flicking me on the forehead.

"Eh, _Sunrise _is generic as hell but it makes sense." I sighed, scribbling the name at the top of the page. "Now shoo, I have to record this monstrosity." I said to James.

Our travels back to LA the next day were equal parts depressing and exciting. I was ready to hand in my EP, but I wasn't ready to go back to missing my family.

"Be careful." My mom whispered in my ear as she hugged me goodbye. "I'm expecting him back in one piece when he comes home for the summer!" she calls to James.

"I'll try, but no promises!" James answered, smiling widely at my mom.

"Smoke something for me, please." Katie called drowsily from the open car door.

"No!" Mom groaned at Katie, exasperated.

"See you guys!" I called, following James into the airport. I was followed by calls of farewell as I practically backed through the automatic doors.

After a grueling couple of hours going through the regular airport bull, we finally boarded the plane. After that, I don't remember much, because I passed out practically the minute my butt hit the seat.

James nudged me awake right before we started landing. My brain still stuck in a sleep haze, I just nodded sleepily and tried to figure out where the hell I was.

Two hours later I found myself standing in the familiar parking lot of the Palm Woods. I hauled my luggage up and began the trek up to our dorms. I hung out for a few minutes in the lobby, waiting for James to catch up with me.

We took the elevator up to our floor and were promptly greeted by an overly-excited Camille and an equally excited Carlos. Logan and Jo were there, too, but were much less enthusiastic in their greeting.

"Oh my God, you guys took forever to get here!" Camille groaned. "We've been waiting for hooours!"

"How was Minnesota?" Jo asked.

"Cold." I said, allowing her to take my bags.

"Was it snowing while you were up there?" she asked.

"Is the sun bright?" I asked, unlocking the door to our dorm. Jo just did one of those heavy nose breath laughs in response.

"You guys down for a little gathering later tonight... Say, ten-ish?" Logan asked, leaning on the doorframe.

"Sounds good." I said.

"See you then." Logan waved as he walked out of my view.

"I'm taking a shower." James declared, yanking his shirt off.

"I'm gonna turn in my EP and then go the fuck to sleep." I replied, grabbing my laptop and hurrying to get done.

If I was going to a "little gathering" involving Camille tonight, I was gonna need all the rest and preparation I could get.

* * *

**Heeeeey, title reference!**

**Also I am so meh on those lyrics but it was the best I could come up with. I don't think the actual lyrics will really come up again, so you only have to sit through my mediocre songwriting this once.**

**I will update sometime hopefully sooner than the past few times. No promises, but I swear I will finish this fic out. I already have an ending planned and everything.**


	16. Tonight I'm High as a Private Jet

**As I am asthmatic, I haven't smoked anything a day in my life. I had to do legitimate research for this chapter.**

**Let's hope there's never any reason that police have to search my browser history, because I don't know what's worse, having random google searches on how weed works come up or having to explain to them that I was only researching it for a fanfiction for a now extinct nickelodeon sitcom.**

**Also, as someone who isn't even a fan of raunchy comedy, I highly recommend the anime I mention in this chapter, _Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt. _If only for its excellent and hilarious English dub, it's stunningly not-anime, vaguely-resembling-the-Powerpuff-Girls art style; and it's fantastic music score. Like, if you're into electronica, this show is worth the watch (it's only 13 episodes, although they are split into two, 11-minute segments) based solely on the music. Just... uh... watch out for that ending. No spoilers, but that after-credits scene is a true Gainax Ending (google it if you're unfamiliar with the term).**

**I love you guys, thanks for putting up with my irregularity.**

* * *

I got a few minutes of rest before I was crushed awake by the unholy force that is James Diamond.

"Seriously, how are you sleeping _this much_?" James asked, laying over me with his feet on the floor and his head against the wall.

"Ugh, get off me, fatass." I groaned.

"Excuse me, I take offense to that. Clearly I am _muscular_ ass." James quipped indignantly.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I said, pushing him off of me and into the floor.

"Sometimes I'm at a loss as to why I'm still dating you." I told him.

"Because I'm _pretty._" James said.

"Yeah, yeah." I laughed. I walked over to my bag and pulled out a wrinkled t-shirt. "You don't think I will be required to actually look presentable, do you?"

"Nah, besides, ratty works on you."

"Gee, thanks." I yanked the shirt over my head. "Let's go grab dinner somewhere and then head back to Camille's thing."

"I know this really cute hole-in-the-wall Italian place a few minutes down the road from here." James offered.

"That sounds great." I replied, my stomach rumbling.

We headed out for the restaurant. My phone buzzed a couple of times as we ate, but I didn't recognize the number either time there was a call, so I just let it go.

When we got back to the dorms, it was already dark out. Camille texted me and gave us locations. This time, our small gathering would be in her and Jo's room, guaranteeing that this "small gathering" would actually consist of a low number of people.

We made it down to their room and were greeted by a very eager Camille.

"Get in, hurry!" she said, yanking us in.

Our small group of friends sat in a semi circle with this... thing in the middle. I didn't want to sound stupid because I'm 500% sure that I should know what the thing was, so I didn't ask what the thing was and just sat down next to Jo.

Camille closed the door softly behind her and sat down on the other side of me. "Alright, I'm gonna light this bitch up!" she said excitedly.

_It's a bong. _I thought. _I got invited to a weed party. My borderline asthmatic ass got invited to a fucking weed party._

"Anyone else wanna take a hit?" Camille asks as she finishes. Carlos nods, taking her up on the offer, but no one else really seems to.

"Nobody?" she asks. "Fine, more for us, right bro?" Camille and Carlos high five.

"I'll try it." James shrugged. "Hand it over."

"Alright." Camille said, nodding. "Still a no from the blondies, then?"

Jo nodded, and I followed her lead.

"Alright, then." Camille said, passing the bong back to James.

I feel kind of awkward for the first part of the night, but by the time the three of them are thoroughly stoned, I'm glad I decided against getting high because I am 100% sure none of the conversation going on in front of me would be nearly as funny as it was.

"But it's like, I had this weird Sonic the Hedgehog phase when I was like ten? And my mom, she was trying to get us all cleaned up for like, a family picture or something. And she's like 'why aren't you wearing the shirt I told you to wear?' And I'm like, "because I already fucking told you, I don't own any shirts without Sonic on them?' And she asks me where I learned the word fuck, and I told her from her business calls, and that's why she has her own separate work line now." James said, completely straight faced.

Jo and I were snorting into our drinks, watching our group go back and forth and then fight over a bag of chips.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I told Jo. I headed for the door and slipped inside, taking the break to check my phone, which had been buzzing on and off all night.

I scroll through some texts, confirming to my mom that I was doing alright and would talk to her in the morning and deleting a whopping two wrong number texts. I head into my emails to check and see if anyone had emailed me, and found several from my songwriting professor.

_Kendall-_

_Sorry for emailing you so soon after break, but this is important. Can I see you first thing tomorrow morning? Some stuff we need to discuss._

_Thanks, Prof. Smith._

I swallowed hard. What could she want? I shot her an email telling her tomorrow morning around 9 am would be fine, and headed back into the other room, trying to look composed.

If I look nervous, nobody really pays it any attention. The conversation has shifted to some TV show, so I'm at a loss to join the conversation.

"What did I miss?" I asked, mostly to Jo, but Camille jumped in to answer me.

"KENDALL." she grabbed me by the shoulders. "I found this anime. You will appreciate it. It's called Panty and Stocking. Please. Please watch it. For me."

"I'll keep it in mind?" I replied.

"English dub." she said solemnly. Then, as if our exchange had never happened, she and James go back to arguing about whatever they were arguing about when I came back in (which had nothing to do with what Camille had said to me before).

The rest of the night rolls on like that, with the conversation growing more and more ridiculous as a mixture of tiredness and weed factors into every aspect of our dialogue.

James and I collapsed in my bed at around 4 am, and I lamented making my appointment with Smith so early. But at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder what was this important thing she needed to talk to me about was and feel incredibly worried about it.

I eventually drifted off, falling into a light and dreamless sleep.

* * *

**I feel like this could be better, to be honest, but I'm at a lost as to how. Oh well.**

**More frequent updates? Maybe? I don't know, I'm done making any promises about that.**

**Thank you for reading, I love you guys.**

**Also, sorry if my high characterization is off, I don't really spend time around anyone who does any type of drug, weed or otherwise.**


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